Night Chating of Seafarer
Taiwan
January 18, 2009
Viewed 944 times.
Being isolated from the society for such a long time ,made me like a fool. It was really a funny thing to say that I had never known how to make a girl friend.But....I got to do something
about my problem.
One day, the papers says that an activity of courtship will take place at World trade center for the singles . Caring for nothing,I went to see what help it could give.
After a brief introduction,the compere wanted me to be the first to appear on the stage the following day.And what the worse was that the rule had been changed,that the gentlemen
won't be sitting there down the stage and awaiting ladies to choose the target as usual ,for having a few gentlemen to take part in the activity this time.On the contrary,throwing an
embroidered ball to the ladies would be the gentlemen this time.
"Mamma Mia!" , how could it become this way ?
At that worried meeting, from the backstage I could hear the whole crowd out in the auditorium.At that moment a strange thought ,a criminal to be executed, came upon me.
I felt uncomfortable again as if to meet the parents of Fati'ma.That desire to run away seemed to pop up gain.Making a girl friend seemed to be just difficult to me.
Having the first turn,my clock was running out.I looked out over the auditorium and took a deep breath.I was about to take my first step to the stage. I felt my legs shivering again
,the same feeling as on the bus to meet her parents.
A lot of ladies sat straight down the stage,stared at me up and down with dilated eyes.Unbelievable! it is really a terrible thing to be seen by so many people simultaneously.I bet
that it must be something you never know.To chose one you like ? It must be kidding in this way.To end it and run away immediately was all I could think about at that time.
A pretty lady sat there with a look of meditation. Hey ! What was eating you ?All right! It was you! I threw my embroidered ball to her very seriously.On my way back to the curtain,I
couldn't refrain myself from making a turn to see whether she missed it .
Just at this moment,I saw her holding that embroidered ball and giving me an unbelievable look.For being so mbarrassing , I smiled upon her.
God knows what it's all about !
Was my spring of love on it's way finally ? When love came to you, it's step was always quicker beyond your imagination.
I felt uneasy for love coming so soon and easy. We had a joyful beginning,.....and shouldn't it be ending in a good result ?
Obviously,God didn't let me go . It went by contraries at last that what I loved became what I hurt .I intended to marry,that meant to own my wife and children,of course. I finally knew
what her meditation . And I had no right to make such promise for children in the future.
Fatima in Brazil made me a test of courage; but this time she made a test of reason to me. There was no choice for me but to break her heart .
I was going to wonder what kind of test would be next.
I failed,but didn't give hope up. There was another activity of throwing an embroidered ball coming.A little frustration couldn't put a stop to my goal.I was quite sure about the way I was
going;without the help of the other part of mine,I could get no where.
The same hustle and bustle activity didn't bring me the same passion as first time.This time,I took a different role in the play .
The awaiting show finally began. Everybody standing below the stage wished to get that chance on her hand. But....,when hearing their conversation up there I,slowly,moved back to
keep the stage at a distance. Meanwhile,I observed that I was not alone.
"What if you have to quit your job in the furture for your family ?"said the compere.
"No,I will never give up my job."said the pretty girl standing on the stage.
Her statement surely had brought the attention of all the audience on the scene.
"Right,you ,surely have the right to say so." I told myself disappointedly. I really couldn't ask the other party so much as to give up her favorite job. When I was sinking deeply into meditations. I,suddenly, noticed her beautiful eyes gazing at me,so familiar as those of Fatima. It seemed revealing some things to me...,But,I was willing to sacrifice myself for my
wife,children and family .I thought she was not my type.
I still kept the stage at a distance,which was surely beyond her ability to reach.I was so
depressed.
It was so happened that the embroidered ball directly fly to my way,dropped down in front of me.It was within my reach.
An answer to get it flashed through my brain was momentary. But I didn't .....,part of it was afraid of what she had said, was very scared to have another frustration as ever in Brazil.
I gave up that chance, and I saw her plaintive eyes as my Fati'ma's by chance. I was very sorry too.
Since I knew her strong tendency of keeping her job,how I could take her to be my wife.Right! I should admit that she was really a beauty. Surely,what she wanted might not be happened
in the future.But,apparently,she won't sacrifice herself even for her own family.That's one thing to be sure. Something doomed to go for nothing shouldn't take place from the beginning.
I learned the lesson already. I won't make the same mistake again.
On my way home,with bad mood,I told myself that I had done my best,and it seemed to be for nothing again.Because,I was informed of another job ,by company ,to Japan one week later.
January 3, 2009
Viewed 933 times.
My dear Fath'ma,it's our time to meet again; in this silent night,under the light of old table lamp and the gentle breeze against my face I decide ,slowly,to write down and to tell you what I have been through,even though I know that you would never know it anymore....Then,let it be a statement to the pure moon hanging high up in the sky.
Tonight's moon is so bright and clear that it makes one's agitation to pour out all his sorrows.
Leaving hometown one and half years,I stood on this cool and lonely bridge watching a stretch of blue sea in a distance and imagined the cheerful meeting that I had dreamed many times.My sweet home, Oh!how I missed you !And my dear parents,how were you recently ? Everything at home, being so close to me and so far away to reach,made me seriously homesick.
And yes , I even more missed that unforgettable hug with great passion of my dog,he always welcomed me by a dive at me from nowhere.
I know my dog couldn't say anything to me,but from his earnest eyes ,one of his waving leg up and down,and his never stop waving tail,I just know how happy he is ! "All right! Stop
jumping !that's enough!"I always said so .Oh! What an intoxicating dream to get home !Great Universe ,silently and gradually left Rio de Janeiro.Watching the Statue of Jesus
become smaller and smaller in the dim light of sunset,my mind was weighed down with sorrow.
Dear Fath'ma,could you aware of my sorrow by this time ?I left Brazil, and I lost my soul at the same time.Did you ever know that you had stolen my heart before I noticed it ?I knew it
very clearly that I could see you no more but in my dream,hereafter.And Since then,I would have only this faithful lamp to stay with me in the long and lonely night.Going home should be one thing full of happiness for anyone,but I,on the contrary, was in a terrible bad mood.
Time,slowly,went by; Taking the way through Liberia,London,via Hong Kong, I finally came back to Taiwan.What a long way of going home it was !I could see my parents whom I missed day and night in no time.How happy it ought to be!
Coming up 2nd floor,in front of my well-known door,surprise !yes,it was really a great surprise to me,I didn't get the familiar scene I used to see as usual.Even though my dog was gone too.
In the past,for having known who I was,my dog will always sit up straight ,right behind the door silently,awaiting my mother to get the door . And no matter how long I had been away from home,he could always recognize me behind it,making no barking,and never wrong on that. What a clever pretty one he is !
I learned that he died of a disease. He would unable to wait me there anymore.To hear this,it seemed to cut on my heart......I still could feel his struggle with happiness in my arms.But,now he wasn't there.Oh! my pretty lad!
Strange to say,until this moment,I just found something unusual with my parents,for having a queer feeling of keeping me at a distance.I began to get alarmed,and made inquiries among them.
What I had been told was really a big jolt to me.After leaving the navy,my brother,always cherished by parents,was introduced to a match by my sister.Having nothing prepared for
marriage,he set trap to cheat me by giving up his portion of heritage for replacing my own decorated house which I got with all my hard working overseas,these last few years. And what
surprised me more was that my sister had already married few months ago,and no one of this family told me about it. How ridiculous it was ! I didn't even know that she had a boy friend.
Beyond that,all the members of my family went so far as to keep it a secret between them,and watching me step into his trap on purpose,without even giving me a hint........
Everybody,in Taiwan,knows that a public official won't become rich without taking graft.What could he give us ? By the way,if we were rich enough, why should I go to abroad to make a
living so long a time?
Fath'ma! I delayed my marriage at a more mature age these years and having worked very hard for a better life in the future.You once said "You should married." You were quite right.But I had known the feeling of poverty since childhood, having been through the hard life,and hoping to change it when growning up.
That's why I went to sea to pursue a wealth,and never touched anything about marrige,even thought of it.I wanted my future wife and children to have the best life ,not to have a hard
life with me. To work steadily and make solid progress,I was almost done . But I didn't let you know even a word of it,for the reason to make sure that you really deserved it.
The goal to reach was very near,so close to me.I could definitely feel it on my hands......a sweet home of my own,and another rebuilding house for my parents. More than that,God led me to you,a fair lady whom I could never dream of,to be my wife.And the another very important thing was that I had already qualified as a Chief officer,just one step behind the Capatin.
You once told me "You are smiling all the time." How could I stop it ? Watching my beautiful wife,I told myself. Telling the truth,I had taken you to be my wife from that day forward.
I knew how I look,and that you were always doubted for what I had told you "Fath'ma!You are my first and only one in my life. From the very beginning,I only hoped you could show me Rio.
around,for being not brave enough to expect to have a girl friend,so beautiful and intelligent like you.
I,at last,found out that you were serious about me, not kidding,and that pushed me to face it seriously too.
I,finally,made of my mind to take this chance on me,and informed my parents about it.That would be a big change to me.And I,in the end,had prepared myself;but you were not brave enough to accept what I had prepared for you. You hesitated... That's what I still don't get you by now.
I made sacrifices for this family,and they took everything as a matter of course.That's something hurting me most. Obviously, they didn't take me more important than ever.What's in their eyes was nothing but money. Something connected this family and me was money but feeling anymore.That feeling of old days had died out due to a long period of separation.
All at once,I felt very lonely,I seemed to be extra to this family. My sweet home in my dream suddenly turned into Hell .They needed me no more. How I felt and sacrificed for this family was not a matter to them.All they wanted were those I had prepared for my Fath'ma.All the members of the family just wanted me to give him a help.
How easy it was to made something from nothing ! Whom was I working for these last few years? I really didn't get .
My dear Fath'ma,I was blue since the day we parted,and having been broken-hearted.I could barely believe that they were my blood. The tears blurred my eyes.I could hardly keep it
from showing.But I had no time to cry now;though I did want to.
In those sorrowful days,your letters were coming late all the time.Could it be said that even my beloved Fath'ma had also left me behind ?At last,I got no more your messages.You
really let me down...........
I was also getting to hate this unfair world .
I was sick of this world, constantly asked myself "What wrong have I done ?". How could a brilliant,hopeful life suddenly turn out to be nothing ? My heart was full of malice,and I believed that Satan had completely captured my soul that time.
I got all my savings back from my parents,and having no mercy on my brother,I drove him out of my house.I just couldn't let anyone like him staying here any more.He was eager to rob
my house. It's no wonder that he refused to renew my licence after getting the documents I mailed in the foreign country. What a terrible brother I had !
I swore to myself that I should get back all those originally belonged to me. God played trick on me , but Satan satisfied me to have revenge on my brother in return. I experienced
the great pleasure I never got. I was really happy. It was my first time to feel that Satan was not so bad as people had criticized. I should accept him earlier.
At that wrong time,you,I once loved so deeply Fath'ma,whom I didn't count on any more message,once again, mailed me a letter which I had so expected to see during that hard time
for such a long time.
Holding that letter in my shivery hands,hardly keeping the tears from showing ,I was asking myself "Do I have to read it ?" time after time.
After reading your unexpected letter,I was crushed. By saying that there were so many first times, you used to make fun of me. It stands to reason for you to say so,that there is indeed few people like me on earth,and I was not supposed that it would be also my first and last time to reject your inquirement.
In bad mood,blind with rage,I made a big mistake in my life. I could give you a hand then;I also should,too. But.....,I didn't .
Could it be said that love had turned into hatred insensibly?I was totally confused. I couldn't figure out why I was so cruel to do so, especially to my Fath'ma. Oh! my God ! I must be
crazy at that time.
I became an unreasonable and disagreeable person. In my view,nothing was right any more,and everything seemed to against me on purpose. I could feel ....that I was not myself anymore.
I was ruined,and God,to whom I always believe,you were not on my side from beginning to end.I wanted to go after mine.I couldn't make living and keep my savings at the same time.
Fath'ma ! You have a point there.
I do need a wife.
October 25, 2008
Viewed 864 times.
A warm summer day Great Universe departed Santos for Marseilles of France. Everybody on board was working as usual ,having no idea of what would be coming to them very soon.
In sight of a stretch of blue sea, everything seemed to be so peaceful and joyful. Oh! France! What a romantic country you were ! I was sick for you for a long time.Being intoxicated at the prospect of the Marseilles trip ,all the crews were shocked by a sudden serious vibration.None knew what was going on and what to do.
The rudder won't work at the time being just a few hours after leaving port.Having no idea,we could do nothing but only waited for the company's further instructions.Then,a miracle happened. A tugboat from Rio de Janeiro was coming all the way to us. We got an order heading to Rio de Janeiro, immediately.
Do you believe it ? How do you take it ,a good luck ? Do you take it that way too ?
After nearly 3 day's long dragging,the real great "Great Universe" finally arrived in Rio.Jesus statue of Rio de Janeiro being in sight ,so close to me ,opening his arms widely,
seemed to welcome these unexpected son's coming.
Oh! My holy God. He seemed to give me a mysterious smile too. What's he smiling at ?
When we were about to drop the anchor at anchorage, something unbelievable took place again.I couldn't help to say "My dear dear Jesus! You are really really cute ! You are really
somebody!".The tugboat's towing wires had twisted with our anchor's chain. Mamma,mia !
I believe the answer would have known to everybody. Right ? Cut it off !I took a quick glance of the sailors. Strange to say,all sailors were chuckling to themself aside.This accident meant that there would be a long vacation awaiting them but the captain.
Till today,I'm still impressed by the color of my dearest captain's weird face. Chocolate!Maybe... pure coffee is more accurate! Trust me! It's something for sure in my whole life
to see his face like this.
After a short time of flurry, we set up everything to repair the vessel,and finally having the precious gift of God.I and 2nd engineer,putting all the trouble aside for a while,went to the city center from dock.
We had no idea for what to do when arrived at the entrance of subway.We saw,at that very moment of wanderings,two ladies coming this way,and asking me something in Portuguese which
I didn't get at all.Having no time to fool around,I mustered up my courage ,and cared for nothing to ask them where the places were for sightseeing in Rio.
Boy!It's wonderful! Their English was no better than I was .We were even. The 2nd engineer enhanced his voice to give me a hint at that very embarrassing situation "Forget that lousy
sightseeing,The ladies are about to leave!"
What? I was shocked then,until that moment,I just paid a good look at them .Oh!yes!What's wrong with me ?There were two ladies right in front of me.
I asked them to be my guide for Rio in a hurry.Then the next ,I should say it's the most ridiculous trip I had ever met. Just walked around the city for nothing.Can you imagine
that ?When taking the wandering walk,she asked me "Do you have a girl friend ?Where do you live ?" and so on.I was completely confused.Will this be my first day in Rio? Jesus,we
had only seven days to stay here.
I was not on the alert for what she would be asking me.Now I know she is very clever and intelligent.She takes a kind of marvelous and unbelievable way to force me to come out with
the truth " You are more beautiful." She forced me to express which one of them is beautiful.She finally got what she wanted.I was very embarrassing.
This was my first time to talk with a girl and to make me like a criminal before the judge . I had no idea how terrible it would be to chat with a girl . Are all the girls in the same manner ?
She wanted me to come Bananal Island at 5 o'clock with another friend as beautiful as I was.I really didn't get what was on her mind.At hearing 5 o'clock ,I almost fainted .That
meant I had to get up before 3 at dock.So I said how about 7."Too late ! Make it 6." she said.
We finally made an agreement at 6 o'clock , Bananal Island next day.I got 3rd engineer with me to get there early in the mornig .On the bus,3rd engineer teased me by saying "3rd
officer!It's really hard to have a date with you." It's really embarrassing to hear this.
Looking at my best friend,I was getting worried if he might become my enemy in the end.I could feel ,even touch something being wrong.What would be happen in the future was
something beyond my control.Just left it to God.When we got there just like a couple of wooden head, there was no sign of them.
On the way back to the city,I thought of a misunderstanding happened in a movie before.The characters in the play went wrong for the secquence of the appointed date.I thought I
probably made the same mistake too .The right time should be 6 o'clock in the afternoon ,not early in the morning.What's the matter with me ?What she wanted was a date ,and what I had thought was a day's sightseeing.My God ! I had gone too far.
Just as I had expected,they appeared on the correct time.Now,I always think if I didn't think of that movie.Then,everything would be fine hereafter.
I'm not sure whether every girl is as jealous as her.I was not allowed to see her classmate.I could tell that she was really angry with me.No kidding! We were,at that time,even not a friend at all. We just met.
After this,we had many good times in Rio. My Fath'ma is fine in every way but seriously jealous.With her,I could hear the most harmonious melody on earth. And when the tuneful
singing ceased there was always a pair of beautiful and shining eyes watching at me with the most mysterious smile on her cheerful and flushed cheeks, seeming to tell me something she
couldn't say. My dear Fath'ma,I was crazy for you ! God must be jealous from that time on.
Time went by slowly but fast, one day my tricky and beloved Fath'ma suddenly led me to a place.She showed me that so familiar and mysterious smile again. Sometimes, I really didn't get what this little pretty
fairy intended to do .
I did what she had told as a fool,getting on the bus and going nowhere.About 30 minutes later,she told me that her parents wanted to see me.
"Oh!No!Mary and Joseph!"I talked to myself," This time I'm dead.In the bus I have no place to hide now." All of a sudden,the sun ,in the sky, became more bright and hot then ever,making me hard to move my shivering legs.
Although I knew I had to see her parents sooner or later.But... I just couldn't help trying to escape,just like a mouse seeing a cat.
You would never know how that day I had been through.Because I had no idea either.After that,my beloved Fath'ma became silence.I knew what had worried her,and that made me more heartbreaking too.
"You can stay here." she said,at last.
"I would love to ,but that takes time ,and I got to get everything ready in Taiwan."
"................."
I quite realized how their parents cherished Fath'ma.For years to bring her up,how could I,so suddenly and cruelly, get their beloved baby to a place so far away ? I suddenly realized how selfish a person I was.
Oh! My sweet Lord, told me what I should do ?
A voice -Don't touch her as if you can't marry her,suddenly came into my heart.Now I knew my parents were right.
My sweet Lord ! Thanks for your faith to constrain my desire of touching her.My heart had been occupied by Satan so many times ,and there were so many fightings deep in my heart too.I ,with your help,succeeded to stop what I shouldn't do. You surely know how hard it would be to me.How fortunate !It always happened nothing between us.Otherwise,how could I face up to this question ,today ?
Finally,I mustered up my courage to say what I was sick of .
"........Can we just be a friend ? "
"No ! I don't want to be your friend,I want to be your wife."
I was deeply touching by her serious look.
God seemed to have no answer for the question.
Ship had completed all the repairs at last.The voyage to Europe and relationship between us continued. To be an officer ,I could get a good salary and widen my horizons.Meanwhile,I could take a good look at this world, Portugal,Spain,France,Italy,Israel,Malta,Turkey,Romania even Egypt... For me ,life couldn't be better in those days.
What will be will be. The day of going home had finally come.Having my parent's approval,I wished she could promise to go home with me.
At that day of my last voyage to Rio,there had no joyful singing anymore but a kind of agitation around me.That really made me feel uneasy.Making a circle on my arm with
her little finger time after time,having no idea what course to take,she still gave me no answer.Really !I was very afraid to see her face of grieving.That's a torture to me.
I was unwilling to leave my beloved Fath'ma.I hate God for making such fun of me. Since you have given us such a chance to come across, why don't you fulfill my humble wish to get together ?
Could it be said that you have made something else to us ?