January 20, 2013
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The gymnastics world, like the real world, can be a very unforgiving place. Not only does it physically drain you, but the mental drain is one only a gymnast could understand. I went into the meet today wanting nothing more than to do my best and be recognized on some level for it. The meet had concluded and we were all anticipating awards. As all the level 7s gymnasts were called up first they went out the the top twelve scores. Next was level 8s, my level. I was psyched because I had scored better at this meet than ever before. I quickly realized they were only calling out the top three scores. What!? As materialistic as it sounds, I just wanted one medal, something to prove I had succeeded. I felt numb after reviewing the scores to find I placed fourth in two events and fifth in another yet nothing to show for it. I wanted to die. As I sat there watching everyone of my team get called up for event after event I sat there with the realization that I was still below the level of everyone else. There’s nothing worse than being the only person on your team without any recognition. Compliments from other coaches and parents could only go so far. As pleased as everyone seemed to be with me, I couldn’t see it. I saw subpar, not because I had nothing to hold, but because I was the ONLY one with nothing to hold. In an age division with less than ten people per meet, I had hoped for a placing. The only medal I left the meet with was the splint on my finger. I had sprained it halfway through the meet but insisted on finishing my event. As much as people advised me to stay off it, I competed through the pain. Event sprained, I stuck every dismount, every flip, every jump but had nothing to prove my perseverance. Driving away I wanted to do nothing more than drive to my gym and get right back to training to ensure recognition at the next meet. However, I couldn’t change the fact i had a sprained finger and the gym was closed. So I settled for second best and drove home hoping to find comfort in my bed. I wanted to hide from the world. Not to get away from everyone else, but my own insecurities. I found refuge in my iPod and EnglishBaby & Tumblr. If there’s one thing that came out of today, it was a promise. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let anything stand between me and that podium at the next meet, because Th4at Boy wasn’t a quitter. Have a nice day to everybody !