Benefits of Being a Woman

• We got off the Titanic first.

• We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

• We never ejaculate prematurely.

• When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

• Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours.

• We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

• We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

• Taxis stop for us.

• Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

• We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

• Free moving (you get the point).

• We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

• We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

• We know The Truth about whether size matters.

• If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil.

• Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.

• If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.

• Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

• It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

• No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.

• We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

• If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.

• We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

• If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

• We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.

• If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

• We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

• We have the ability to dress ourselves.

• We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

• Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

• We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

• Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

• We'll never regret piercing our ears.

• We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.