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Life Talk!

SWAP SPOUSES

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

First time to see this word was when I read something about SWAP SPOUSES is quite common in USA and some other EU countries, mostly among the middle-classes couples or agove that classes.  Recently I was surprised to know this is also being discussed in China, and one law professional made remarks like rap is a crime, but SWAPPING SPOUSES can not be treated as illegal thing, as they are adults and the couples have reached the agreement and are fully aware of this.  Also the newspaper quoted what a gal said, like if she marrys, after many years of marriage, when their sex life is getting boring, and if her husband agrees, they sure will try it and make their life spicy. 

A big change in China, huh? some ppl thought still arranged marriages here.  Anyway, that's not my point. 

My question is, what do you think SWAP SPOUSE? will you do that when your marriage life gets dull? It would be great if we can get the comments from married or unmarried, men and women, then we can get a picture of that, though maybe not be so all-around.

Can be HONEST at our best? telling our real thoughts, not something we think we should do.

01:36 AM Oct 28 2006 |

lixiansmile

China

swap spouses? i can't accept this idea,for me if my marriage life gets dull,i will opt divorce.

of couse , if i marry,i will try my best to make my marriage full of freshment and harmonious.Smile

04:56 AM Oct 28 2006 |

Minh

Viet Nam

owhh! I'm not married yes but let me type about what I imagine about your topic! I think swap spouses is interesting only in the way of just thinking about it. In fact I can't accept the style of living in such a way. I don't know why, maybe it depends on our customs of traditional culture. For me living in a family life must have love in general, the love of human being, not only sex or somethings and the major significal part of love is sacrifice. In my own thinking when a marriage life gets dull, sacrifice is needed to play its role for both the man and woman and their children and it's also the best way to teach children of this family. Oh, no, I don't want my future marriage life to get dull! Laughing

12:13 AM Oct 29 2006 |

sherryleio

sherryleio

China


Thanks for both reponses. I fully understand your points. 

One piece of information for your reference. Montreal swap spouses club was adjudicated legal by Canada Superior Court on Dec 2006.

Maybe this controversial topic is just like gay issue. Anythings about gays are pretty touchy, even there are already lots of movies about that, like last year's Broke Back Mountain. Now gay marriage is already illegal in some states in the states and some EU countries.

I always everyone has the rights to decide what kind of life they want to live, only if they do not do any harms to others. So I repsect them, and think the love between the gays are same beautiful, I am not into gals though.

It was said Canada Superior Court made this adjudication based on four points, 1) No harm; 2) both agree (the couples); 3) Not for children; 4) Door closed.

In married adults life, sex has been playing a very important role than unexpected.  All of us think human beings are not aniumals, we can only control some of behavious by our moral rules and our heads, yet, sometimes our hearts beat up our heads.  That accounts for lots of marrital problems.

I do not know much about swapping spouses, but it seems that some couples have been doing that in some countries, among the well educated with high-income. Most of them express they still love each other and by doing so have made their married life more stable.

Maybe I came from a kinda traditional place, I wonder how they can make sure there is no harm, what if one side takes the game serious…well anyway, if you ask me, I will not do that, but if anyone trys that, I do not adjudge them.

03:30 AM Oct 29 2006 |

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

Lela, thanks for your explanation, it let us know more about what's happening in Canada.

You know what? with the open door policy of China, the Western culture have been shocking the Chinese traditional culture.  You could not see any sexual scenes in a movie, even a kiss in 70s', now living together befor marriage, abortion of young gals, even the students in schools, street gals, affair outside marriages, they are not uncommon at all… I do not know, maybe sex has been quite a TABOO for too long in China, so I am worrying this SWAP SPOUSES are worsing our moral standards that are already kinda weak. 

Oooops, sorry for one of my typo, the Superior Court  made the adjudgement on Dec 2005, instead of 2006.

Take care

05:56 PM Oct 29 2006 |

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

Hey Lela, thanks for attention. I know some of them are abnormalities, actually how many cases of such stuff does not matter, the horrible is the attitude towards these things. I have tried to say something more , but I find it's hard to explain to you what's happening here, and…maybe inappropriate to post that stuff either.  Anyway hope our life is full of love, be happy. 

10:14 PM Oct 29 2006 |

zars

zars

Mexico

I saw this topic last saturday but I was going out that's why I didn't reply to such interesting topic.

I've seen that tv show, but it's not as you mention, I mean the tv show, swap spouses but only to see how other families live. After 2 week each wife returns to their home, this trying to improve their way of living.

The first week, the wife must live under man's rules and do everything he says, but the second week, the wife writes the rules and everyone in the house must follow them.

But the topic you mention above is about swapping of spouses for real, isn't it? which is indeed interesting, first let me tell you that I was taught that marriage must be unique and you must search for your true love before and for you can get married.

Don't know if you've ever heard this quote "even to eat meat everyday may make you get bored", and this is what happens to those who practice the title of this topic. I've heard about it but under the name of "swingers".

These swingers are an underground culture which consists in orgies but it's only about sex. 

02:55 PM Oct 30 2006 |

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

Zars, thanks for your response. Yes, your understanding of my topic is pretty clear, it is real swapping of spouses.  I just want to know how ppl think about it.

Seems most of the response are from female readers, and yep plus you, one single guy, just my guessing Smile.  I do really want to know what real thoughts of the guys who have been married for years and whose relationship with their wives are not bad yet, as swingers, if yes, mostly come from this group.

Legal but not a moral act, maybe that's the points of most of us? ...

04:41 AM Oct 31 2006 |

Felice

Felice

Philippines

Spouse swapping is about "changing partners among the group". This mean, the wife can be had by another husband.  And, then, they still live together under one roof.  They go out and change partner for sex.  they go back in their own home and family.  So, it is like changing partners in circle.  Like a square dance, you know.

 But, changing partners or spouse swapping is very immoral. It's immoral act that became legal in Canada, and only requires the consent of the adult participants. 

But I don't agree that it isn't harmful.  It is. One, it's unhealthy.  The participants for sure would contract or get AIDS, STD, and other social diseases.  Second, society, or the neighborhood where spouse swapping is known will be scandalized, and therefore peace and harmony in the place will be stirred.  Third, spouse swapping could influence the young minds or the youth even if the court said should be done in close door and away from children's presence and knowledge.  How long can anyone keeps secret their immoral acts? 

We're human with reason, not animals, therefore, we have control. 

08:29 AM Nov 11 2006 |

nabuno

nabuno

Spain

hi, In spain, i think this issue is known by people in general, but i dont consider it like a phenomenon very extended. i´ve heard about some clubs where couples go and meet other couples to practise sex in group. i´ve seen some reports on tv about this stuff and i dont think people get shocked by this. It is because nowadays people want to be very liberal and chic.

I am married and i dont think that this behaviour is a sign of  liberalism, but a sign of lack of love and respect.

this kind of people usually say "we are an open minded couple". but in fact i think this people have got bored with their relationship and need to find some extra fun outside. then why dont they get divorced? cos sometimes a marriage is like a bussiness. there are too many common interests that keep the couple together. i mean, everyone knows that a divorse has many economical consequences and sometimes it is easier to look for new ways to avoid the divorce. when a couple have a comfortable life in common , it is difficult to jepardize your life style with a divorce.

i really think  it is  one of those ways to avoid the divorce.

for me, it would be really impssible and nonsense to share my wife with other man or to watch my wife making love with other.

If you really love someone, you cannot share it. that is just human nature.

bye

01:40 PM Nov 11 2006 |

Tabetha

Tabetha

Germany

Good evening,

we all know – maybe with the exception of the youngest from us :- ) - that sex in longer relationships is a lot discussed in forums, because it seems to be (it is) a problem also in good relationships. You have to find a solution for it, for both parties. I am sure, that there are some possibilities. One of them is mentioned as "celebrating sex" – to make sex for a further time to something new like it was in the beginning. I hope you understand what I mean, it is a little difficult for me in English … I know that also a one-night stand sometimes makes clear, what you have to loose and sometimes it is said to re-establish the lust. But I do not give the advice to search an ONS

Swap Spouses – no, never. One will fall by the wayside. The aim should be to protect what you have build for years, and this will be more than a little bit sex, wouldn´t it? If I am able to share my partner with someone else or to see him with other women or I am able to "give him" to another woman – this will be the latest sign that it is time to divorce.

Swap Spouses common in Europe? No, I don´t think so. It is known as a "Swinger Club" in which you share sex with other partners. But this is not daily life for the majority. Newest public-opinion polls had the result that loyalty is the most important thing in partnerships for majority. More than some years before mentioned it as important.

Yes, and in my opinion the way to change partners when sex is a "problem" is the easier ! way. I prefer the more difficult way – because my relationship is worth the trouble. For me.

Have a peaceful night – it is Midnight in Germany and we had our second electrical power outage this month. In Germany we used to have NO blackouts. World changes … :- )

03:04 PM Nov 11 2006 |