Using Humor to learn English

A professor was planning to give a lecture on the consequences of lying. Therefore, he gave his class a reading assignment (on short notice) to read Chapter 17 in their class book (though the book had only 16 chapters) by Friday.

On Friday he asked the class to raise their hands if they read Chapter 17.

The class raised their hands.

The professor said: “There isn’t a Chapter 17!”

Now you’re ready for the lecture!

A friend stepped on his friend’s shoe by mistake and said, “Excuse me!”

His friend responded, “That’s ok, you walk on the tops and I walk on the bottoms!”

great method

You’re welcome Irene.  Speaking of ducks, it’s been said: “If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims like a duck; it’s a duck!”

Hello Alston. Thank you for another idiom.

‘Try as I may to get my ducks in a row, here’s always some turkey stepping out of line.’

Poor Fred, I hope he doesn’t give up.  It’s what you call “having all your ducks in a row!”  Thanks Irene.

 Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

Hilarious retorts!

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Cup cakes and muffins are quite simillar, but muffins top is quite funny, in teenglish it means the spread of fats when someone wears too-tight trousers so their stomach buldges out. Like the top of a muffin bulging out of its casing …

A wife who is older than her husband made a joking remark to her husband as follows:

Husband:  This cupcake doesn’t taste as good as the cupcakes I ate in my youth.

Wife: When you ate cupcakes in your youth, dinosaurs were roaming the earth!

Husband: Look who’s talking, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks!

Wife: You’re in the doghouse for that comment!

La Princes, Anja, Lesya and Fetar, thanks for submitting your jokes, they all tell a story and expressed in English.

Learning English doesn’t have to be boring but exciting once you understand it. 

Once,one rich Endlish or German bissnesman arrived in Moskow .Bissnes demanded that he was   waked up very early and bissnesman asked about it Hotel,s service people.They were answering to him..,-if we,re stopping to sleep,we ll wake You…

Lesya…LOVE knows no bounds.

Clever son and an overwhelmed papa 

How to get your gardening done – for FREE!

An old man lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:  “Dear, Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.  Love, Papa”

 A few days later he received a letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie”

 At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI  agents and local police arrived  and  dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie”  ;)

True Love :))

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms – Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, “I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”

The moral of this joke: It’s always helpful to have a good amount of word associations and vocabulary acquisitions in store …you never know what you might need them for ;)

Once a rabbit got ill and sent the turtle to get him some medicines, but a full year passed and the rabbit recovered while there’s no news from the turtle, so he decided to go out and look around for her, but when he opened the door he saw her ahead of the door and shouted at her ” Where were you all that time? “.. The turtle replied  angrily “Hey! You are shouting at me!! Well, I will not go and I will not get you the medicines. Let’s see if someone else will help you”..

Humour is in the air :D

I’m grateful for the witty reply, dear Alston. 

Hello Lesya,

Minding your P’s and Q’s basically means to pay attention to details, but usually is an admonishment for children to watch their manners.

Yes, yeah, and yep all mean yes.  Yeah and Yep is a very casual, slang way to say it and you would never say it in a formal setting.  If a person was on a job interview and responded to a question saying “Yeah” or “Yep,” they probably would not be hired for their poor English unless it was at “Bubba’s Place!”

Good morning, dear Alston. 

Could you explain what does it mean “P’s and Q’s”?

And tell me please is there any difference between “Yes, Yeah and Yep”?

As I suppose “Yeah” and “Yep” are slang but  ”Yes” is a formal word. 

I’m asking because my native language does not have so many variants of “Yes” :)

Many thanks

Okay, you’re on your P’s and Q’s.  You are correct if you observed the fact that coconut trees do not have bananas.  My purpose is this: be careful to observe words, context, and do not read into something that is not there.  Good job everyone!

Wow.. I want to share fun with you..

Thank you mr. Alston for this great idea..

Take this, guys,

What’s the longest word in the English language???

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It’s SMILES… There’s a mile between the first and the last letters..