lost in my mind

i breaked up with my present bf two days ago.i cried terribly.

he brought up the breaking up, he said his ex-gf,that american girl,she called him and wanted to heal their relationship and she said she would come to china to find him.he had a big reaction,but he didn't know what to do.he asked me what he should do?

when i heard this,i was so angry and sad.i was angry coz he never thought that his hisatation of our love would definitely break my heart.before getting together with him,i had  two love relationships,and both of them didn't last long--no more than one year. i do believe it was all my fault,coz i was so shy and was so inactive to express my love feelings,finally,the relationship didn't go on well.at last, i put forward the breaking up at last,coz they became inactive too apart from that i couldn't find the love feelings any more.there was no need to continue otherwise, good things will turned out to be bad things...

 however,this time,i do have the strong love feelings,and i do spend my heart and soul to maintain this relationship,i know there must have some difficulties between us,nevertheless,i'm eager to try. i'm willing to pursuit the happiness i get from him.i really love him and i hope to cherish every moment i spend with him.

and he also loves me as he said,why we can't get together.coz he love that american girl more?

i don't think in that way .i think he just wanna recove the things he lost last time.

that girl brought up breaking up with him and left him for america,right now she give him a call and wanna pitch up with him.

what's he want? he just wanna get the things he lost ! 

he still tell me that he loves me ,but he wanna choose her.that's really rediculious !

i'm not sure whether his internal heart thought in that way,but i do think it's mostly possible,he don't love that girl in the way he used to .

 last night ,he asked me a question,whether i'll accept him again,after he find the choice he made was wrong.

i said love is not a game,in which we can choose the role randomly.and there's no such thing that when u find u can't go through from this way and u can return the way u missed in the love jounery.i told him i won't give him the answer,for i'm cautious about the love.

i think i was so stupid,i should say no !

but i haven't,i know i still love him and it's so deeply.what's worse,i told him that i won't build up any love relationship with other guy in my later college life.what a silly choice,what a fool promise.!

maybe u'll say he don't deserve my love,but i just can't help thinking in that way and telling him that.i wanna give him another chance ! i don't wanna lose him !

i'm so confused about my feelings now.what should i do.i'm in such a damn predicament !

maybe i'm bound to be single. even though i have tried so hard,and we really get the feelings from each other,the results is still so bad,so disappointed.what the heal the love is ?

is there any other guy in the world who deserve my love? i wondered....coz he was so perfect in my heart ...

i think i'd better try to get this stuff out of my head,i do need a clear head to do my study now.otherwise,i'll jam myself in the dark corner.

time will heal my hurt and distracting my attention from this would be good to me.

without him,my life is still colorful;without him,the earth is still revolving all the time;without him,i still need to eat...hehe,it's time for having my lunch now^O^

have u watch the film called my fair lady,Catharine Hepburn,my favorite actress played in it

there's such lines like i wrote" without......i still can.....;without .....,we still can ...." i think in the our real life jounery,we truthfully need such an atitude sometimes.it's better for us to survival from the hurrible things.

after all,life still goes on...on and on...

i planed to send my song 'fly to me'to him when summer comes,but right now,i think there's no need to do that...