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closehoney

closehoney

Philippines

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December 13, 2007

What goes around comes around. That's karma, right? When I hit rock bottom it got me thinking. Is this all the hurt that I have caused other people coming back to me? I never meant to cause them pain. I just thought it's what's supposed to be done.

 

Am I being given a sign? When I have been crying day after day after day, was that a sign? Maybe I have been given subtle signs. But when I wasn't doing anything about them, I was given a really big one I would surely not miss. But what are these signs for? Should I have tried even harder to make things work even when it already seemed hopeless? I tried but my efforts were futile. At the end of the day, my heart was screaming that it didn't feel right anymore. Should I have tried harder?

 

I am not sad that it didn't work out. I guess it really wasn't supposed to. I was much better off and happier than I've ever been. So I wouldn't change anything. But what happened after that time of bliss is something that got me thinking. Why did it have to hurt so bad? Why couldn't it have stayed just like that? I know people go through things for reasons. This last year has been wonderful for me because I have always put all my faith in people and really believed in love. I fought for something that I felt strongly about. I believed that something could work even when there were a lot who didn't. I don't ever want to lost that spirit.

 

Most importantly, though, the last year has given me the perspective to really take care of myself. This is difficult because all those times, I didn't really think about myself. I was happy and contented with that. Being with someone and giving my all so that the relationship would work, was for me also thinking and taking care of myself. But things went wrong.

 

Heartache will not stop me from finding love again. I still believe that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

04:24 PM Dec 13 2007

nanxue

nanxue
China

nice to meet you again!miss you very much.don`t be so sad,dear sister!

November 8, 2007

I can't believe it's almost a year since I wrote this blog that I'm pasting below. Anyway, here it is!
December is only less than a month away. Christmas is already in the air. I'm finally going home after more than two years of being away. Last Christmas, I was hoping for someone to come home so it was almost a relief that I couldn't go home to my folks in General Santos City. I could have gone home had I really wanted to. But I didn't. I wanted more to be here in Manila just in case. This Christmas, I wanted to stay here after news reached me that he's coming home. But I think it would be wise for me to make other plans so I won't find myself pining.
It's probably this Christmas when I need family around me the most. I need to put myself together so I can welcome the next year with renewed strength. Life doesn't get any easier as we get older. In fact, it's the opposite. It gets more difficult the older we get. Problems are more complicated. We need our loved ones to help us mend ourselves and be ready for another year.
We have already put up our little Christmas tree at the condo. We have more plans for it but we never got around to making them happen. We just got preoccupied with other things. So our tree just has Christmas balls and blinking lights, that's it. We don't even have a star yet. Oh, and it has a sash! It should be that thingie that goes around it like how the lights go but we didn't have enough material so it ended up just looking like a sash. But it's our tree. It's my first tree!
I pray that my Christmas will be merry.

November 7, 2007

Keeping a blog here is like keeping a door or a window open. If I want to move on there should be closure. I know it's difficult to have closure when there really wasn't any closure. But I will have to do what I have to do because I don't know when I will be getting that closure...or if I will be getting it at all.

I will be getting my Blog Dongle soon. It's a gift. It is a huge step for moving on. It's difficult taking that step. But for my sake and for those people around me who care and love I should do it. I am hurting them as much as I am hurting myself by holding on the past. And I don't want to hurt anybody. There are just these nice people who don't deserve it. They give you all the love and understanding. They deserve to be loved back and their feelings understood. It's not enough that you love them. You owe it to them to let go of ghosts from the past.

03:40 AM Nov 07 2007

nanxue

nanxue
China

why did you think so?helping friends make us happy.