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Where the love begins... Where the love begins... magnify Do you long to be more intimate in your relationships? Oprah explains why you first need to love yourself. WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE Talking with thousands of people over the years has shown me that there's one desire we all share: we want to feel valued. Whether you're a mother in Topeka or a businesswoman in Philadelphia, each of us, at our core, longs to be loved, needed, understood, affirmed—to have intimate connections that leave us feeling more alive and human. What I know for sure is that a lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else; it is disregard for yourself. It's true that we all need the kind of relationships that enrich and sustain us. But it's also true that if you're looking for someone to heal and complete you, you're wasting your time. Why? Because if you don't already know that you have worth, there's nothing your friends, your family, or your mate can say that will completely assure you of that. You are the one best mother, father, sister, friend, cousin, and lover you will ever have. Right now you're one choice away from seeing yourself as someone whose life has inherent significance—so choose to see it that way. You don't have to spend one more second focusing on a past not filled with the affirmation you should have gotten from your parents. Stop waiting for your husband to say "I appreciate you," your kids to tell you what a great mother you are, a man to whisk you away and marry you, or your best friend to assure you that you're worth a darn. Look inward—the loving begins with you.

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed. In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had. In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears. In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there. In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch. In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom. In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go... At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you. The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved. Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

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