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Jane Doe

Jane Doe


May 15, 2008

You don't really understand what it means to be an army girlfriend. In fact, people who aren't affected by an individual in the military do not really understand a whole lot about what we go through. Being an army girlfriend means you trust your soldier with your soul with miles apart and temptations that would prove to be too much for others. We have the commitment of a wife, yet not the permanent, but somehow the assurance and trust is enough for us.

When we're maneuvering the hallways of work or school, wearing our soldier's clothes that hopefully still smell like him, we know you don't understand.  You don't know that he's the only thing on my mind during work and any other time. You'd have a hard time too if you knew your boyfriend was training to kill. Since you're not an army girlfriend, you don't know the strength it takes to develop a routine, day after day, masking the pain and loneliness from being deprived of the one man I love.

Since you're not an army girlfriend, you don't understand the true meaning in goodbye. To you, long absence away from your boy constitutes a weekend apart; but to me long a long absence from my man can span over a year. But I wouldn't expect you to understand. And you see, that's why I just smile and laugh when you try to sympathize. Your sympathy comprises words with no meaning with a fake smile to follow (if I'm lucky).

I also don't expect you to understand why I can't call my boyfriend at the whim of my speed dial number 2 to ask him why he didn't meet me for lunch yesterday. In our world, tedious calls like that aren't even fantasized, simply because we don't waste our time with petty arguments. So you ask me how often I get to call him and see him; and you're aghast when I tell you I won’t see my man for another eight months…you proclaim that you could never do that. Well, that's obvious,but instead of retorting I just shrug and smile, because I know you couldn't handle it. It's fine. Not just anyone is cut out for the lifestyle…but I am, and so is my soldier.

With that, you tell me I'm in for heartbreak, and I tell you he's the only thing that keeps my heart together.
You don't understand the utter tragedy when you have to let go of your soldier for the last time, or right after their departure, you hear that 10 more soldiers died in the war. To you, those soldiers are just another statistic; to me, they're people with histories, families, and loved ones. I hurt because they do, because every service member enlists knowing the possibility of death, I too suffer the same forced acceptance. I know that at any moment, my soldier could be that "statistic" on the news. But I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You tell me that with all that said…that we'll never make it. I tell you, as level headed as possible, that just because you're weak doesn't mean I am. You tell me he'll change, I tell you so will I—but you don't understand that change. You don't understand how much you are forced to grow up when you're faced with the reality of life and death.
But who are you to me, anyways? While you're wrapped up in the arms of your boy thinking about plans for tomorrow night, I'm wrapped up in a blanket thinking about my man and our future. You live for the moment; I live for what's to come.

More entries: For the girls of the United States Army (3), LOVING A SOLDIER (2), just another note..., R.I.P Grandpa (4), a nice warm fireplace during the storm, a letter to John Doe (2), Miss Doe's Diary (1)

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