In a Horrifying Shadow

A Poem (03)

By Isynie Sansan

The sensation of heavyhearted engulfed me,

It was so tight for heart to pump the blood up,

It’s even harder and harder to breathe freely,

Realizing those beautiful remembrances come to fade in slow.

I kept trying to seek, run wildly while lunging,

Open those which was closed,

Frame every single fragment of memories,

Connect all old stories of mine and yours,

About a friendship that wasn’t apart from happiness and sorrow.

Bounded puzzle of life that hide within pitch-dark wall of my heart,

With colorful smile scratches and laughing of joy,

With unforgettable passionate tears and overflow yearning,

So noisy but comforting,

So consoling all miserable apprehensive spreading.

It’s right,

I wasn’t, and I’m not alone.

I stand up with my God,

I walk beside my beloved prophet,

I come up with lofta persons loving me.

But those horrifying shadows were undeniable,

They come but to leave me behind,

They meet but to forget me at last,

They play with but to disappear from my mind,

They love but to ignore me so fast,

To make me realize,

I was not supposed to be their friend like past.

With honest excuse,

I acknowledge,

I’m a weak unlike those who were strong and dependable,

I’m a foolish and weird one, unlike those who were smart and believable,

I’m not even adroit or good-looking, unlike those who were elegant and loveable,

I am the one with simple and modest profile, unlike those who were dashing and amusing,

Here I am who often did some mistakes in saying and behaving,

I myself am aware of unable to be your perfect buddy ever yet.

But please dude,

Don’t grow distant from my life,

Don’t vanish out of my sight,

Don’t let me crying buried lonely in a grief alley,

Or smile, satisfying myself in proud without worrying and caring you.

Cause I knew,

I realized,

I goddamned realized badly and wanna cry in my calm,

While whispering in cold confession,.

“you all are truly valuable for me, guys”

Heart words in alabaster of emotion.

Hashim 'Ash'ari Chamber,

Monday, January 28, 2013, 4.30 p.m.