what I'm feeling today...

Today.. I'm happy while on the other hand I'm not really happy. I'm happy because I've finished another my self driven project, which means I got money :P and I have no obligation. And I'm not happy because of less bed time outcome of the projects and an endless thinking about my ex boyfriend. What have I done actually to him? I always wondering... I don't even know which part was I did something really bad. Asking for breaking up part or having another someone special right now. As I remember he preferred alcohol than me when I put him between choices, and then about having a boyfriend... well I've waiting him for almost two years, I passed those two years with a big hope that we were meant to be. Those years were not easy for me. During those years I met him when he got his duty trip here, I accept his phone calls, replying his massages, but I got bored about the circumstances, I got painful about how he treated me, and finally, it ended up with one conclusion that there was nothing to be hoping anymore. And now, with all his massages lately, seems like he puts all the blames on me... Eergh! thinking of him just make me mad! Do you still can't except how I broke you up??????????? than what do you want????????????????????? why don't you playing around with your alcohol, and..oh yeah don't forget gulping the bottle as well.

I know you'll read this entry, I'm sick with all your shouts on me. Yes, I'm not a perfect woman, damn me.. I never try facing the truth, always hiding somewhere..so can you leave me alone, find your own life, with your new life, your new job... just forget about everything, just remember I've waited for you, you made your own decision, I'm sick of waiting.   

Thinking of you reminds me of some sweet memories, and some sorrow as well... Once I believed that  we were meant to be, that you were my prince and I would always be your angel.. but things go by.. God knows the best for me.. for you... 

Do you remember this song.. please be strong! be tough! you always said that I'm weak, than be stronger now! There would be someone better replacing me somewhere somehow someday, just gotta have a faith of it! It's just a matter of time...There would be another woman exclude of 5 women mean much to you... was..

This is how our journey ends....

A lonely road crossed another cold state lines

Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

While I recall all the words you spoke to me

Can't help but wish that I was there back where I'd love to be

Dear God

The only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away

We all need a person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed

Cause I'm lonely and tired I missing you again...once again...

There's nothing here for me on this barren road

There's no one here while the city sleeps and all the shops are closed

Can't help but think of the time I've had with you

Pictures and some memories you'll have to help me through..

Some search never finding away

Before long, they waste away

I found you, something told me to stay

I gave in to selfish way

And how I miss someone to hold

When hope begins to fade.. 

Cut those sms off pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!