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siawhite

siawhite

Philippines

January 23, 2008

Filling up that Haiatus..

Behind my eyes... 

PART I

        There's a guy who's not your ordinary guy, by any means he's been into a lot more than you can imagine. He has not only been into the miles of obstacles, ocean of pain, but drowned himself with his own tears. He rode the wheel of life with fear and fury but withstood it nonetheless. This guy is 23 years old now, and in those years he had obstacles yet to overcome. With eyes empty, hopeless, full of betrayal  and one heck of a fake smile, he doesn't complain. Everyday, he goes to work and school with a hope for a glimpse of that silver lining behind those dark clouds. He is ambitious, he is a friend to friends, was an angel to gods, and lost his soul all at once. He strives for the best and even what he cannot have. He has probably one of the most boring life. He has a story to tell. (that maybe is not worth telling) He is me.

         What have I to lose? I have a bad headache, an upset stomach and a conscience telling me nothing at all. Nothing is going to stop me from changing my life for the better or living it just just like an as-----. I can say am contented  with my life right now, well hedonism and nihilism aside. But who wants tuna sandwich for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No one even does that,so why should I!

 please hear me calling

PART II

         I could write about how hard my life has been, how depressing, lifeless and overwhelming the world seems, or how many manholes I dropped into, or how many cliffs I had fallen, how I lived in out of one paradise to a million hell, and with how many people I loved and much more hated me.  I could ramble on about one of my best friend’s death and how I watched my doggy die and given to the doggy god of doggy heaven. But no, I’ll save you the time and empathy.

        I may sound blunt, or even rude, but don’t judge me just yet. Really, I am shy, quiet, and never disrespectful. I am unique and have been through a lot. That might make me fragile, emotional, and a bit sensitive, but I seem to manage. Confused as I am, I know what I want and what I can accomplish.

       So far this is the story of my life, not half lived yet felt in a lifetime. I do not like to exaggerate my story but my emotions refuse to consent. I just love to see the life behind me full of meanings, meanings of joy, pain, love, and life. 

but in this worls I found hope... 

More entries: Filling up that Haiatus.., Putting up with Misdirected Pigeonholes

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