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October 25, 2008

    It is a commonplace among moralists that you cannot get happiness by pursuing it. This is only true if you pursue it unwisely. Gamblers at Monte Carlo are pursuing money, and most of them lose it instead, but there are other ways of pursuing money, which often succeed. So it is with happiness. If you pursue it by means of drink, you are forgetting the hang-over. Epicurus pursued it by living only in congenial society and eating only dry bread, supplemented by a little cheese on feast days. His method proved successful in his case, but he was a valetudinarian, and most people would need something more vigorous. For most people, the pursuit of happiness, unless supplemented in various ways, is too abstract and theoretical to be adequate as a personal rule of life. But I think that whatever personal rule of life you may choose it should not, except in rare and heroic cases, be incompatible with happiness.   

    There are a great many people who have all the material conditions of happiness, i.e. health and a sufficient income, and who, nevertheless, are profoundly unhappy. In such cases it would seem as if the fault must lie with a wrong theory as to how to live. In one sense, we may say that any theory as to how to live is wrong. We imagine ourselves more different from the animals than we are. Animals live on impulse, and are happy as long as external conditions are favorable. If you have a cat it will enjoy life if it has food and warmth and opportunities for an occasional night on the tiles. Your needs are more complex than those of your cat, but they still have their basis in instinct. In civilized societies, especially in English-speaking societies, this is too apt to be forgotten. People propose to themselves some one paramount objective, and restrain all impulses that do not minister to it. A businessman may be so anxious to grow rich that to this end he sacrifices health and private affections. When at last he has become rich, no pleasure remains to him except harrying other people by exhortations to imitate his noble example. Many rich ladies, although nature has not endowed them with any spontaneous pleasure in literature or art, decide to be thought cultured, and spend boring hours learning the right thing to say about fashionable new books that are written to give delight, not to afford opportunities for dusty snobbism.   

    If you look around at the men and women whom you can call happy, you will see that they all have certain things in common. The most important of these things is an activity which at most gradually builds up something that you are glad to see coming into existence. Women who take an instinctive pleasure in their children can get this kind of satisfaction out of bringing up a family. Artists and authors and men of science get happiness in this way if their own work seems good to them. But there are many humbler forms of the same kind of pleasure. Many men who spend their working life in the city devote their weekends to voluntary and unremunerated toil in their gardens, and when the spring comes, they experience all the joys of having created beauty.

October 23, 2008

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.

One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.

Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

Who died and who lived?

The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

October 22, 2008

Psychologists rarely able to find a unified answer to explain human behavior…… but the key issue is not "which theory is correct," but "how these views will help me to better understand human behavior." This is the re-examinations of reference books, Burger's "personality psychology," is good book, if not used for professional learning, but still can be used as a personal understanding of the popular books to read, or even benefit from it. Here are some someone have sympathy for the sentence, and share with you.

1. Celibacy way of life may have its convenience, in a period of time may be pleasant, but if a person can not go beyond this way of life, it will lead to emotional and personal satisfaction the development of the serious lag. -- Sven-Goran Eriksson

 2. The only people on a life, as it is to be like this and accepted, regarded it as inevitable and not allow any other alternative but to accept, on a "human life is the people of their responsibilities" Such a fact acceptable. -- Sven-Goran Eriksson

3. In short, do parents not an easy task, in our society, despite the upbringing of our children are facing one of the most important thing, but the lack of training in this area, what people can raise children, how Rearing children are not required, the result is that many children lack of personal worth, they are afraid of their parents, do not know how to get along with them, they are worried that because they do not understand the reasons for and unfair punishment by their parents, they feel insecure And are not suited, they want warmth, they need support, but are not. These children feel a loss, fear, anxiety. -- Karen. Huoni

4. The rise of modern democracy, human no longer be detained in the feudal system of barriers, we received a sense of freedom…… we are willing to become what people will do, glad to do what to do. However, it is this extreme we have the freedom to create a big problem. Freedom can be a terrible thing, it forced each of us to face those we alone must bear responsibility for the personal decision…… freedom in order to avoid the anxiety, the majority of the community to accept the role and we selected the foreseeable Way of life, in a sense, we are back to our ancestors under the feudal system owned by a small cage in safety. We found a secure job and conventional way of life, so that we become one big machine, the Lo teeth. -- Erich Fromm

 5. Embrace freedom, the key is spontaneous - and to experience the true expression of our desire. When we know our own what to do and not what others expect us to do the time, we express the inner feelings. -- Erich Fromm

6. We are a single individual, to be responsible for their actions, we have to find the meaning of life is precisely this kind of concept, many people fear, religion so that they can avoid such a fear. So, some people will have their own power and the political and social forces linked to the same reasons, anxiety and insecurity that certain people to religion…… However, the authoritarian religious and humanitarian religion is different, the former stressed In a powerful religious leaders under the control of religious and humanitarian provided an opportunity for personal growth. -- Erich Fromm

 7. We are in a "age of anxiety", a beautiful day in the past, we afternoon stroll in the park, Yanyanxiari night in the corridor and Cheng Liang, these days have been the work of the increasing difficulty of growing fast And the rhythm of the work done better than others replaced the pressure.

8. Attachment types into the adult 1), the security of the adults, they are very easy to get along with people and trust each other (both believe in themselves and also believe that others); 2), avoiding the type of adult, they suspected he Yueai those who fear will be too close to them from harm. They also fear that the inevitable result of separation pay feelings (believe in themselves and not believe others. Not afraid of being abandoned, but the fear of intimacy); 3), anxiety - contradictions of the adults, they love the lack of a sense of security partners that are too demanding each other, they too want to scare away by the attention that the companions (think of others, rather than believe in themselves, need to rely on other people's sure to prove Its value. Is not afraid of intimacy, but fear of being abandoned); 4), fear of adults, these people consider themselves not worthy of love…… avoid intimate relationships with others, because they are afraid of being rejected pain (do not believe in themselves, do not believe in others). [Brackets for personal comments] Attachment type will affect our relationship of love…… but we should be for those who are insecure attachment of the people say a few words-heart. When these people into a secure long-term adult relationships, their attachment to change their types are also possible.

9. Existentialist philosopher, believes that the people will ultimately be responsible for what happened, and this is one of the theoretical basis of personality, that it why we often say "I must," this sentence, such as "I must go to class" "I must meet a friend." In fact, we do not have to do these things, to some extent, we can do anything. Humanistic psychologists pointed out that in a specific moment, everyone is of their own choice.

10. Only the original outlook of life to live, we can become a real good person. In the past and the future thinking, while beneficial, but most people spend too much time to reflect on the past and plan for the future, this is in fact a waste of time, because only living in the here and now, people can fully enjoy life.

11. Good life, is a process, not a state it is a direction, not the end. -- Rogers

12. The majority of people in the active concern for the environment conditions in the Zhejiang University. When I was small, our parents or guardians to our love and support, but these are not unconditional. In other words, most parents are only in their own children to meet the expectations of the time, will love them. When parents are not satisfied with the conduct of their children when they withdraw their love. The children gradually understand that only do the parents want them to do, to get their parents love. Children need the active interest of their own acts for the conditions. This conditional active interest in the outcome is, the children learned how to abandon their own true feelings and aspirations, but the parents accept that part of self-praise. They refuse to their own weaknesses and errors. Eventually, children become more and more do not understand themselves, but also increasingly in the future can not become a psychological harmony of the people. As recognized, we are continuing this process, we have only to those who are most likely to be important in our lives who praise, love and support of the contents into the self-concept. In fact, each person is there is another part of the contents, they are not praise or is likely to be opposed, and to accept and express these thoughts and feelings to the contrary, we will deny or distort them, they removed from the concept of self-out. Then we will lose their true feelings with the link, it will not become a psychological harmony of people…… we need to unconditionally accept the positive attention to our personality in all aspects…… always love their children, accept the child, under such conditions , The children will feel no need to hide that part may lead to the revocation of self-love, they will be free to experience all of the self, free to the mistakes and weaknesses are integrated into their self-concept, the freedom to experience all of life . -- Rogers

13. Achieve its objective will be capable of feeling, but the real pleasure is in the process rather than after the success of…… only when we work in every moment of experience in the search for the meaning of life and fun, the real Happiness can come…… arrival is not the end. Struggle can bring enjoyment. Happiness comes from control over their own lives, rather than give in to social norms or the demands of others.

14. Self-disclosure and subjective well-being of the causal relationship is a two-way. A person has been able to free others to reveal their own information is that he is psychologically healthy people, and raising the level of mental health also benefited from the friends and loved one's self-disclosure. As a mental health of the key is to make themselves more transparent. We are willing and able to live fully in the significant others to reveal their own. Of course, for most people, it is very difficult to do. We usually do everything possible to avoid others found that many of us are not like the personality characteristics or bad habits. We fear that will embarrass themselves into the situation or lose their love or respect for the worship of the people. However, all these results is to make fool of us more worried, never really afraid of the others found themselves…… people only through self-disclosure can be gradually truly understand their own. Through the feelings into words, we will better understand these feelings, only in the minds of thinking in these feelings is not this understanding of the…… the words used to express inner feelings to people "see" their feelings, and can More effectively treat them. -- Zhu Maillard (Jourard)

15. Men and women only for their own gender roles within the community revealed only to be accepted. For men, this usually means that the retention of information (Yinren, silence, especially for some of the hearts of delicate feelings and listen to "Men Kuba is not crime," will better understand), for women, it means that open and revealing, but Only in the community that are suitable for women on the topic (such as the make-up experience, emotional experience, rather than political news, personal ambition, etc.) [brackets for personal comments]…… perhaps with traditional gender roles have been gradually weakened, the men and Women and their friends, will feel more free.

16. "When a person's social network of relationships, even smaller than expected or is not satisfied with, there will be lonely" - you can with others only a few contacts, but as long as you satisfied with this, they will not feel lonely. On the contrary, even if you have a lot of friends, but as long as you still feel the need to more profound friendship, you will still feel lonely.

17. In the collective culture of social integration and complete its share of thing is a source of pride, and in the individual culture of individual achievement and independence of most value…… in the individual culture of good feeling is the good life of self - The key role of the community and the collective culture to the well-being of the Famen.

18. People think that they know of the reasons for that, in fact, many of the reasons people do not know. -- Skinner

19. Psychologists rarely able to find a unified answer to explain human behavior…… but the key issue is not "which theory is correct," but "how these views will help me to better understand human behavior."