Under this icon I'm gonna post stories, critiques and spoofs of mine that just don't fit under any other photo of my profile!

Exactly two weeks ago the even now still disputed movie “Kreuzweg” – as the name indicates this movie is in German as the stage director happens to be German too – had its premier in Germany and Austria. Many were euphoric and actually were looking forward to see this, since this movie already received an award, but after leaving the cinema especially Catholic viewers were upset and found this movie discriminating. It’s about the life of a depressed fourteen year-old Catholic girl who grew up in a very restrictive family where she for example is forced to fast until she suffers from serious underweight. The movie ends with her dying of suffocation when instead of calling the police and reporting the mistreatment of an underage person the priest gives this already very sick girl an altar bread.
Now after watching this movie people still could say that this director just depicted Catholicism in its most cruel and fanatic form and that there are a lot of actually decent books and movies that depict a certain religious group in a rather negative way. However all of these “decent” books I know were written by authors who made it clear that they don’t hate this specific religious group. For example the author of the wonderful novel “Beyond the Western Sea” of course depicted the villains as protestants while the protagonists were Catholics. He even made the protestant minister a very annoying person while the Catholic priest was a very smart and helpful gentleman which could be considered a direct comparison between Catholics and protestants, but it is obvious that he simply didn’t have any choice as this book mostly is about the problems – discrimination, prejudice against their faith etc. – Catholic Irish immigrants had to face in the 19th century. Another book I can think of would be the German excellent novel “Im Schatten des Schwarzen Todes” which is about the genocide of Jews which Catholics committed during the time of The Plague, but not only did the author give an interview in which he states that despite historical events like these he doesn’t think that hate against this particular religious group named Catholicism is justified – in fact he stated that not even hate towards all Catholics who lived back then is justified -, but also in the novel itself there are several clues that indicate that this author does not approve hate against the Catholic church. Two of the protagonists are Catholics and some of the “good” minor characters also are Catholics after all. I know some more movies that have one or two Catholic characters depicted in a negative way, but these men always are minor characters that you don’t get to see for more than a few minutes.
However not only is the movie “Kreuzweg” very different from the movies and books mentioned above, but according to two newspaper articles he even gave an interview in which he stated that he just wanted the spectator “to watch how the system Catholicism was working”.
I decided to make this post after realizing that even though – as I said above – it has been two weeks now since this movie was viewable in Germany’s and Austria’s cinemas for the first time and despite the fact that the statement of this stage director wasn’t published much later people still discuss this rather controversial movie.

Finally an incident inspired me for another fictional letter. This time it’s directed at a non-fictional judge in Houston, Texas who at the moment deals with the court case of a 10 year-old girl who was (falsely) accused of rape. Even though I’m not thinking about sending this to the judge – and even though I don’t even know which address to send this to – I don’t take any credits for this letter and I’ll even be glad if somebody else will read this, will find the address in question and will send this there. I already thank you. Anyway, here we go:
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Dear Sir,
Like most of my countrymen I was shocked when I opened the newspaper today. Most of us consider the USA to be a very civilized nation where especially people in high ranks have received an excellent and challenging education. Above all we respect the United States of America as a country that has a lot more experience with democracy than my country has. That exactly is the reason why this newspaper article about a 10 year-old Texan girl who right now is in jail for rape shocked so many of us. People I know personally even said that hey felt reminded of the Middle Ages or even of Germany between the years 1933 and 1945. Even experts like child-psychologists are reluctant to believe that a 10 year-old could already know about rape, let alone commit a crime like that. You, Sir, might argue that there is a huge cultural difference between your country and mine and that thus you can’t compare a 10 year-old girl from Houston to one of Western Europe and you may be right about that point – even though the description my country’s newspapers give about her sound as if she had the maturity and IQ of any average 10 year-old from around here -, but still most people here say that someone as young as 10 years should spend her time playing and learning for school instead of living through what she considers a nightmare in a jail, i.e. they all ask you, Sir, politely to at least consider giving her a second chance by finding her not guilty. We understand and respect the fact that every court case needs time, but still we ask you in the interest of this girl, her whole family and the international reputation of your wonderful nation called USA to make your decision as quick as possible, Sir. Actually that is the main-reason why so many people from around here are upset about this case – as I indicated before. Most people from here are absolutely convinced that she is innocent as the way she and her mother described the incidend indeed reminded us of a game that many of us innocently played when we were children and back then when we were much too immature to think of this as anything else, but a game. After reading the article the German newspaper “Focus” wrote about this case people who have experience with children and /or psychology are also worried about this child’s status quo. Even though it is well known that newspapers and other media sometimes spread false information – be it intentionally or unintentionally – this article still made a certain number of people worry. This article states that the police officers just dragged her into their car without any word at all, that she wasn’t allowed to see her mother for longer periods of time, that she couldn’t even go outside for a rather long time which is bad for the health of people of that age, that her mother wasn’t allowed in the room where her hearing took place and that you, Sir, kept interrogating her until she was so stressed that she couldn’t give you, Sir, any further answers, because she could not help but cry. The main-issue isn’t that this is considered inhumane and is even illegal according to the country I live in – history has proven that forcing one’s own political and cultural ideals upon other people is wrong and usually doesn’t even work -, but rather that according to “Focus” she shows clear signs of stress that seems to be so extreme that it could influence her psychological and even physical development in a negative way, since she doesn’t seem mature enough to deal with or even comprehend her situation – as the writer of the article in question indicated by saying that she screamed that she wanted to see her mother and even go home during her hearing and even in the cell that according to “Focus” belongs to a jail is meant for adolescents, while people of less than 14 years aren’t even considered as adolescents, but as children -just like in my country.
However I also mentioned the reputation of the USA before. I am well aware of the fact that most judges would never let an argument like the following influence their final decision and I even appreciate the fact that you, Sir, wouldn’t let people like that enforce their opinion just by using pressure, but still I think that this should get mentioned here. When something that people here consider as unusual for an event that takes place in the 21st century takes place in another country, nationalists and other racist people use this event and the repulsion it makes many of us feel to spread their anti-foreigner slogans in the virtual as well as in the non-virtual world. When for example another US-American judge once sentenced a man who later turned out to be innocent to death, they didn’t only spread insulting comments about the United States of America on the Internet, but they also offended some US-American acquaintances of mine personally.
As indicated before we do not wish to make the United States of America to change all their laws according to what we consider as advanced – like abandoning death penalty for example -, but still I think that in individual cases like this one everyone at least should have the right to state his or her opinion and to be heard.
I must admit that I know little to nothing about the judicial system of Houston /Texas and about the culture of the people living there, nor do I know any of the people involved in this case personally and of course I do not have any experience with court cases either, Sir, but still I wish that my opinion will be heard and that the two hours I spent writing this letter late at night after a long working day weren’t in vain. I just want my wish – which is also the wish of everyone from this area – to be heard and – if possible – taken into consideration, namely that this extremely young girl will be sent home as soon as possible.
I thank you, Sir, for your patience and I wish you a nice day. Thank you, Sir!
Yours sincerely,
...
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This is a re-upload to draw the attention of more people towards this subject.

As I promised my next review will deal with my latest favorite book “The Last Dive” by Bernie Chowdhury, since even my opinion concerning this book always changed throughout the chapters from good to bad and vice versa:
First of all you should know that this isn’t a fictional story, but a true one, meaning that you can’t blame the author for the behavior of this book’s characters, like when they use inappropriate language ( By the way there is only a little. ), when you are surprised why they make this or that mistake, their names or the way the story goes. Oh…I just say “their names”, because it sometimes causes some confusion that Chris Rouse and his son Chrissy Rouse have so similar names. I say “the way the story goes”, because the ending of this book is horrible…and Gudrun Pausewang’s “Traitor” for example already received very heavy critiques because of her novel’s unexpected cruel ending although I don’t consider it half as cruel as the one of this book.
Also you can’t really blame the author for sometimes repeating himself. Perhaps it can’t be avoided in such a long story that for example who Kevin is gets mentioned two times or that he calls Sheck Exley the “Michael Jordan of divers” in at least two different situations described in his work.
Another point of criticism I consider to be unjustified is that a lot of people were annoyed about so much background information about diving given here. I have to admit that at first glance this annoyed me too. However I realized very soon that most of this background knowledge is important ( Some wasn’t too important, but a lot of it was. ) to follow the plot of this story better. In addition most of this information may be really interesting for people who are interested in history, biology or – speaking of the information given about this book’s characters – who just want to hear a great story that perhaps even gives them a valuable lesson. Apart from that there isn’t a single novel out there that works without giving you any background information whatsoever; be it about the characters, be it about the period of time in which this plot takes place.
However there also are some parts of criticism that are justified: For example there is a scene in which the first – person narrator is annoyed about a diver who pollutes a cave by throwing away the things he doesn’t need anymore. When later somebody drops something on a shipwreck and a person mentioned in this book tells him that this doesn’t matter, since there already are so many people throwing things in the ocean that pollute this wreck the author should have mentioned that this is wrong. Pollution causes these wrecks that already have become an important habitat for a lot of plants and animals to corode earlier. But he doesn’t!
The other thing I partly understand, partly criticize is the chapter in which Chowdhury describes Chris’ and Chrissy’s funeral. Partly I can understand that they want their friends’ story to be remembered, but you should always keep in mind that they only took part in this diving expedition for fame. Not for honorable reasons like giving humanity important and even necessary information or something, but just for greed – to achieve fame. There’s nothing wrong about wanting to be famous, but by the day of their death they already achieved so many things, they were so talented that I just don’t understand why some of the people mentioned in this book even want them to have a memorial ( Not just a grave, but a real memorial! ) for risking their lives in this wreck just for the sake of achieving more fame.
However the last point of negative criticism really matters to me: When the author writes about Sheck Exley’s death he only says it was possible for them to find him because of a line he wrapped around his body. They just followed the line and thus found the corpse. The fact that the diver did this already indicates what experts guess, namely that he did this to make them find him faster in order to prevent them from starting a dangerous search operation. However I just wished the author had pointed out this theory clearly instead of just saying they were able to find his corpse only because of that line.
Still I also have a lot of positive things to say about this book. If it hadn’t been so, this wouldn’t have become my favorite book after all, would it?
For example I like the high amount of ethic, social and even religious issues you can find in this eyewitness report.
One of the ethic questions that are brought up in this book is whether or not private divers should be allowed to dive to the shipwrecks that lie on the seafloor and keep whatever you can find there. According to this book several people consider these as graves and thus say that we should stay away from them. However Chowdhury also says that one day these wrecks and most of their inventory will be destroyed completely by the ocean. Then the “grave” of these people gets destroyed anyway. Let alone that there are memorials for victims of disasters like that which can be considered as graves and let alone the fact that there also are so – called symbolic graves for people who were never found, but of whom you can be certain that they are not alive anymore. Others – also mentioned in “Last Dive” – argue that we should bring the things we find down there to a museum. Then this “grave robbery” would at least have an educational effect. However the diver’s findings that are described in this book are things that most museums exposing things found in shipwrecks already own anyway. For a museum it wouldn’t make too much sense to expose ten old plates or more that look all the same, would it? Apart from that here the author should get criticized for calling Germans “bold” simply for ctiticizing him for exploring the wreck of a German U – boat. As I said before, the diving to shipwrecks can be considered as acceptable, but at the same time we still should have understanding in the ones who want these “mass graves” to be left alone.
As promised before there are many social issues being brought up in this book: For example there are two characters and each of them had a traumatic experience. Just because people didn’t understand what happened to them, both of them were simply called “crazy”. This is part of the events preceding the actual plot. Another person mentioned in the book simply was called crazy for sticking to his dream although everyone was sure that it would never come true as Chowdhury explains during one of the historical excursions to be found in “The Last Dive”. If you ask me, cases like these aren’t exceptional. Intolerance and incomprehension still are nothing unusual, no matter which country or which culture you were born in.
Prejudice can be found in any society and as Chowdhury proves it can be misguided, too…When he realizes that a good friend of Chris and his son is missing on the funeral, he thinks bad about him and condemns his behavior. It isn’t until later that he realizes the real reason for his friend’s absence. On the day of the obsequies he simply isn’t ready yet to mourn this tragical event in public. He just needs time to deal with this great loss on his own and that’s why he prefers staying at home and commemorating the two of them there.
Familial problems also are a social problem and I think that reading about the problems two of the protagonists have with their parents really helps adolescents who are in similar trouble. Knowing you are not the only one having problems like that usually helps!
Perhaps you also know the following situation, because you either experienced it on your own or you witnessed something like that: A man has an accident and has to stay in hospital for a very long time. Instead of supporting him, his parents never even visit him – although they aren’t that old – and his wife tries to downplay the situation and doesn’t want to realize how bad he feels. When I said you may recognize this situation, I was referring to the fact that a lot of people try to ignore disabled or ill people. Perhaps because they are afraid of the different, perhaps they don’t know what to say or do and perhaps because they consider them to be boring for any reason whatsoever! The reasons may be different!
The last point concerning this subject may be the one that sounds the most familiar to most of you…Some of the men described in this book often ignore how precious life is and above all that it’s temporary. They just do their jobs to gain money, they just do what others tell them because they hope that this will bring them any advantage whatsoever…Especially in the end the author describes these people in a very critical way.
Now to the promised religious subjects that are brought up in this book: First of all I thik I should apologize, because the keyword “greed” could also be put in the rubrique “social issues”, but since there already are so many things posted in this rubrique, I decided to put it somewhere else…First of all there is this high number of divers who risk their life, because they are greedy for an adventure or fame and this lawyer who refuses to help the widow Rouse to access the hospital’s documents concerning her husband’s and her son’s death. She doesn’t want to bring the hospital to trial for not allowing her to see these documents, but this lawyer wants a court case, because he would gain more money for supporting an accusant. She only seeks truh, but this lawyer only cares about wealth instead of supporting a lady who is right – which actually should be his task.
Another perhaps even more religious subject is that she just can’t believe in God anymore. If there is a merciful God who really cares about us, why does he allow horrible things to happen to us? The priest who answers her by saying that this would never have happened if her husband had just gone to church is as wrong as her believing that this proves the non – existence of a supernatural being. Religious people may – depending on which religion they belong to and depending on which parts of their holy scripture they remember best – find diffent explanations why God still can exist and be merciful although also good people sometimes suffer. This chapter may animate people to think about things like that. Who knows? Maybe it will even inspire some dialogues between religious people and atheists concerning this subject and thus may make a contribution to more tolerance between these two groups.
Also I thank the author for not contributing any nudism to the actual story. There only is one scene like that, but it is described in so little words that I don’t think it really bothers anybody.
In addition I think Bernie Chowdhury’s story even serves a good purpose: It’s not only that it reminds us of common problems of our society as I indicated before, but I think the researches he made about Chris and Chrissy Rouse’s death – Yes, they gave the author very detailed reports about it after refusing to let Chris Rouse’s wife even take a look at it. – may help the widow to understand what happened back then and thus to live with it.
Especially for adolescents this book may be important…Most people between 15 and 20 think about committing suicide and calm their conscience by telling themselves that their parents will find a way to live with the horrible experience of losing their children. They tell themselves something like “Well, when grandma died, they were sad, too, but after the funeral they found a way to go on with their life, didn’t they?” By reading this book, they will realize that they are wrong, since these are two completely different things you can’t compare to each other! According to this book, Mrs.Rouse always would have scars from the experience of losing her son and her husband. Also his friends are traumatized and in shock when they hear what happened to him. Another friend of the family who saw the boy dying even tries to forget about it by exterminating everything that would remind him of this event. He refuses to answer the letters Chrissy’s mom sents to him and even refuses talking to her from that day on. He absolutely doesn’t want anything to remind him of this event. Even if this means to let a very strong friendship die.
All in all I can say that this book is one of the best books I ever read. There are a lot of books that are written in a style I like and there also are many novels that prove the author’s competence, but there aren’t too many stories – except for short stories, parables and stories that are part of any culture or religion – that really have a message everyone can learn from. Reading “The Last Dive” however is a valuable lesson for everyone. When I’m into trouble for example I always remember that this is a true story and usually I can tell myself that this book’s characters had a similar problem that of course was more extreme than the one I have.
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Here comes another criticism of mine, but this time it’s about the musical “Der Glöckner von Notre Dame” *, since I just skipped through several critiques of which most were negative.
Most of these critiques dealt with the bad acting in the German original of this musical, but to me this seems rather strange considering the fact that when it came out in 1999 it received the “Golden Europe”, a reward for the best musical of the year. Perhaps it was just that these critics were used to the Disney movie – version and thus expected something more similar to that.
Other critics however wanted it to be less Disney – like and even called both, the movie and the musical cheesy, but personally I can’t even explain to you what they mean by that. Of course several film – songs also appear in the musical, like “Hellfire” or “God Help the Outcasts”, but I don’t see what else reminded them of the Disney – movie. It’s true that several characters from the novel neither appear in the movie nor in the musical and it’s also true that in the original novel, Quasimodo isn’t as friendly as in the movie or in the musical, but the rest – Esmeralda’s death or the fact that the bellringer kills Frollo for example – are based on the novel and not on the movie. Someone considered it as a childish idea that in the musical Quasimodo talks to gargoyles that from time to time seem to come to life like in the Disney movie. However this isn’t Disney’s idea, but already in Victor Hugo’s novel the bellringer just feels so lonely that he imagines these gargoyles coming alive. That’s only human! Little children sometimes also have imaginary friends when they feel lonely and due to the fact that Quasimodo has been locked into this bell tower since he has been a baby, you can’t expect him to behave like any other adult man would. Still I have to admit that perhaps it was hard to show it somehow technically that these living gargoyles only exist in Quasi’s mind. Apart from that they said that it’s typical for Disney movies that Frollo was pure evil in the musical. I don’t understand where they got this idea from and I’d even go so far as to say that the only reason why they consider him to be pure evil is the fact that right in the beginning of the musical, in the very first song Clopin sings one line that describes him as a “cruel” man. However I guess that here the word cruel only describes the way he persecutes people he considers as bad people who according to him could be a real danger for the salvation of the citizens of Paris – and after all this is the city he is responsible for as the reeve he is in this musical. In addition the following scene may seem cruel to some viewers as well: Just like in the movie he kills Quasi’s mother, but in the musical it is accidentally and he truly regretts it ( “I wanted to enforce law. I didn’t mean to hurt her.” ) which results in him adopting that gypsy’s deformed child. However he doesn’t do this, because he is afraid of going to hell if he refuses, – like in the movie – but because he wants to please God as the German narrator indicates by saying “and then he knew how to reconcile God” and as Frollo confirms by saying “God gave me this task!”. Thus I’d even call him a tragic hero rather than a villain. The only thing that could be considered as evil about him is when he accuses Esmeralda of witchcraft, but the only reason why he does so, is that he doesn’t understand feelings like lust and love that always overcome him whenever he sees her. He never felt something like that before and thus it irritates and even scares him. Also people may consider it as evil when Frollo says right in the beginning of the play that Quasi has no right to live because of his disability. Of course saying something like that is condemnable, but the Christian church of the Middle Ages, when this story takes place, just thought that people having a disability or suffering from a desease just received God’s just punishment for something and thus they avoided and even despised the latter. Thus I wouldn’t call him a villain for this either, but if you ask me this scene was rather meant to represent and criticize the behaviour of most Christians who lived back then. Let alone the fact that the “Disney – Frollo” attempts to kill Quasimodo right after Esmeralda, while the Frollo described in the musical obviously seeks for the bell ringers forgiveness and wants things to be again the way they were before Esmeralda came. He even claims that he didn’t have the choice, since she was an accused witch and even an illegal immigrant which deserved death penalty according to the French law that ruled back then.
However let’s get back to the scene with that gypsy: Even as a child I was bothered that Quasi’s mother just tried to flee without even trying to explain to the judge that the thing she carried in her arms wasn’t something stolen, but her own child. I know it is naive to say that perhaps she as well as her child would have survived if she had done so, but at least she should have tried in my opinion. In the musical she actually does try to talk to Frollo and only the fact that he doesn’t listen to her, gives that lady the courage to run.
In addition already the fact that the protagonist kills the murderer of his mother and his love doesn’t suit Disney at all, since Quasi’s motive for committing this crime is nothing but revenge.
Plus it’s rather sad to hear people saying that it’s a childish and Disney – like idea that Esmeralda is a very selfless heroine. Yes, I mean it! It’s bad to hear that there are several people who consider ideals like altruism and self – abandonment for the ones you love so unrealistic that they only expect it from the protagonist of a children’s story, but that’s exactly what I read in another critique dealing with this play.
Also expressions like “the pope of fools” or the fact that Frollo was a priest are Victor Hugo’s idea. In addition not even the gargoyles kept the names the creators of the Disney – version gave them.
Other critics say that this musical wasn’t worth the price they had to pay for their tickets, because the costumes and the stage were so bad, but some very serious critics begg to differ and thus this movie received the prize for the best stage design only one year after it got the prize I told you about before.
Even the singing which is most important for every musical to be a success was a very important point of criticism. There is not much to say about one person who criticized the fact that the singing outweighted the speaking. With due respect, but expecting something else from a musical is just ridiculous. Only the fact that some people criticized the voices of the actors is worth a discussion. Personally I think that since in a Disney – movie the speaking actors also take over the singing parts although they aren’t specialized on singing, musical artists usually do a better job concerning this matter, but beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. You can’t condemn people for their taste of music!
Now I’d like to tell you about the point of criticism of which I think that it even is based on misinterpretation: They say it’s way too dark and disturbing for children, because in the end the hero even committs suicide. I agree on the fact that the young ones may not like this musical because of its dark atmosphere, but I don’t understand how one could think that the hero of the whole plot kills himself in the end. The only thing that indicates something like that is that in the ending scene it looks like Quasi and Esmeralda meet again in afterlife and Quasi doesn’t look older than in the rest of the musical. However the musical doesn’t explain what exactly happened. Perhaps Quasimodo died soon after Esmeralda’s execution. After all a lot of diseases like the pest were widely spread back then. On the other hand some people say that in heaven even old people will get their youth back again, so perhaps in the musical he dies of old age and becomes a young man again when he enters heaven. Any theory is possible since the musical itself doesn’t explain much about this matter, but after Esmeralda’s and Frollo’s death Quasimodo sings about that outside of Notre Dame fear and sadness will await him as well as luck and Clopin sings that now by leaving Notre Dame the bellringer found his way into freedom. Apart from that Quasimodo still has a lot of friends in the end – like Clopin and Phoebus – who would help him to get through this time that sure must be hard for him. Thus people who accuse Quasi of being a suicide don’t have any proof for their theory.
Of course these are many negative critiques, but to bring this argumentation to a positive ending I now will tell you what a British newspaper said about the English musical – version: The Variety Magazine reviewer noted that “The prevailing tone, indeed, is far and away the most somber of the three Disney film-to-stage shows yet.” He wrote that “The design is likely to be the show’s talking point in any language, coupling as it does the best of British and American talent with a new $ 100 million dollar-plus playhouse specifically adapted to accommodate the demands of the piece. The aquamarine stage curtain, Gothic tracery already encoded within it, rises to reveal set designer Heidi Ettinger’s ever-shifting array of cubes that join with Jerome Sirlin’s projections to conjure the medieval world of the Parisian belltower inhabited by Sarich’s misshapen orphan Quasimodo, his unyielding master Frollo (Norbert Lamla) and a trio of very chatty gargoyles…the music tilts towards the generic.”
Unfortunately I never got to see “Der Glöckner von Notre Dame” neither in English nor in German, but I saw photos, watched several videoclips and of course found all of the songs on youtube.com. Thus I think I know enough about it to criticize this musical: I liked everything about it – the costumes, the singing, the fact that this is rather a mixture between the novel and the 1996 – movie than just a remake of the latter and the fact that some of the musical – songs even are more optimistic than you would expect from an animated movie. The best example is the ending song when they sing about that although the world may be evil as Frollo always told his foster child, we should just accept that we don’t have any better world in this life and that Quasimodo finally achieved his freedom, because he had the courage to fight back against the one who opressed him ( Frollo ). It’s true that I also had to get used to the different lyrics and singing voices at first, since my childhood memories made me become attached to something different than that, but meanwhile I consider the songs from the musical to be at least as good as the alternative from the movie. It’s up to the individual to decide whether this positive criticism of mine is justified or not.
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•Yes, the German title of this musical is the same as the English one.

I know I used to have an extra rubrique for the movie Final Destination 3, because it got so heavily criticized, but since I’m trying to reduce the number of photos on my profile – There just are too many of them. – I decided to remove this photo of mine and to put everything I posted there under this photo.
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Now that my last semester on high school has begun already months ago I may have to be able to write a comment in at least one of my exams. We’re not yet sure whether or not this will be a task even in our final exam, but at least that’s something we have to reckon and even if ít won’t be a task, writing one is still good to improve one’s knowledge of this language. So I’m going to comment on the movie Final Destination 3 now, since this firstly is one of the most disputed movies I know and secondly the whole Final Destination-series still is quite well-known, though especially the third and even more the fourth movie got rather heavy critics. Is this movie really that bad? Let’s just analyse it.
First of all you have to know that the makers of this movie simply didn’t have as much money as they had to make its two predecessors, so it’s not that surprising that there may not be as many good special effects as in Final Destination 1 and 2. On the other hand you may admit that these special effects aren’t that bad if you consider this fact. Another point of criticism was the bad language in this movie and I couldn’t agree more. It bothered me too to hear so many sometimes unnecessary cursing words, but this isn’t that surprising if you keep in mind that the main characters just are adolescents from this century. Today’s kids sometimes just act like that and apart from that it sometimes occurs to me that cursing words have become part of our culture. Here something else is remarkable about this movie-but in a positive way: In most films they show two people kissing each other or even something more…to show they are a couple while this movie has proven it to be possible that things like these aren’t necessary to depict two people loving each other (I talk about the couple Ian and Erin if you haven’t figured out yet). Not only a few people also got bothered by the huge amount of cruelty in this movie and even an allusion to Nine-Eleven. It’s true that in Final Destination 3 you may see a little more blood than in the first two Final Destination-movies, but that’s just the way these movies work: The characters just die and most of these deaths seem pretty unrealistic to some viewers or even break some natural scientic laws. I don’t say that all death scenes are like that, but a few are and apart from that these movies would be more exciting if you didn’t know that every character of this flm will be dead by the end of the film. Actually I don’t mind the fact that death gets personificated in this movie, since there have been personifications and symbolic depictions of death for thousands of years now, but in this movie the “Grim Reaper” is portrayed as a sadist who gives people clues that they are going to die in some accident so that they are able to avoid their death only to get killed later in a very cruel way. Some of these warning signs got critizised by the public, not only because the premonitions death sends them are unrealistic, but also for other reasons…I’ll give you an example I’ve mentioned before: In the third movie there is a scene that shows that death put the shadow of a plane on the World Trade Center, not too long ago before the terrorist attack, a person took a photo of this and put it on the Internet. I mean: Okay! They didn’t really joke about this tragic event in the movie, but still this scene may be like an insult to those who died that day and to those who lost someone in this event. Apart from that I wonder what they were thinking planning this scene: That someone saw this shadow just by chance and thought something like “Oh! That looks nice! Let’s take a photo of it!”, while he thought something like “Oh! Now I must show this picture to everyone!” after the attack? This scene was unnecessary and just a bad idea.
Another bad idea about the characterization of death was, that it just controls too much. Well, in this movie death is portrayed as a higher power, but some parts of this plot just are exaggerated. One example: There’s a goth couple and as it’s mentioned in this comment of mine the characters can guess how they are going to die by watching a few photos the female protagonist has taken one day: One of these photos shows Erin (the goth girl) showing her middlefinger. Actually her boyfriend is predestined to die before her, but since they are able to avoid his death his girlfriend dies instead of him, actually before death planned to kill her firstly-which means that she doesn’t show her middlefinger in death, but when her boyfriend dies later death makes him show the middlefinger instead of her. This plot may seem ridiculous to some of you. Another ridiculous scene is the end: Death has enough power to reunite the three last survivors by chance to kill them together. Nevertheless a lot of them could have avoided how they die in the movie: The two girls who get burned in these tanning beds should at least have been more careful while dealing with the things in this tanning saloon. The jock should have checked out the piece of sports equipment he trained with. Then he would have realized that the two ropes were cut by the sabers that just had fallen down from the wall behind him. Though Ian McKinley sure was too much in shock and he made a rather drunk impression during that scene he still had a lot of time to avoid the cherry picker falling down on him, but he just didn’t and the fact that he was alerted enough to swear at the protagonist by using his middlefinger before dying, but not quick-witted enough to save himself from this machine just made this scene unbelievable He just stared at the huge thing that moved down towards him! And the three last people just should have arranged that they wouldn’t use the same train alltogether. But that’s just the way most of these horror movies are: The characters don’t think as clearly as the audience does and apart from that we don’t know how we would react in a situation like this, knowing we’d die in a very painful way and this very soon.
Even the actors didn’t get the best previews: Some said most of the acting was bad, some didn’t like the fact that most of the actors were older than the person they acted, but what else should they have done: (Nearly) every character in this movie is younger than twenty, so they would have had to choose very young actors with even less experience than the actual actors and the acting may have been even worse. It’s true that Kris Lemche actually was several years older than the person he acted, (Ian McKinley) but though you can see that clearly in some scenes this movie would have gotten heavier critics without him than it actually got. Some even said they only watched it because of him or they only liked it because of his performance-something like that. On the other hand this statement may sound weird to some Final Destination-fans, since Kerr Van Cleve Smith (Carter from Final Destination 1) definetly was older than 17 or 18, the age his character was supposed to be and I don’t remember anybody having critizised this either. Of course I still have to admit that especially one scene gets destroyed only by the bad acting of the people used in it: One of the characters gets killed on a festival outdoor and this causes a lot of visitors of this festival to panic and to leave this place immediately. While some people acted not that bad during this scene, others rather walked away like thinking: “Such a shame! I guess the party is over now that this girl died!” Certainly not everybody acted like that, but a few of them and I doubt that all the people used to present this crowd were professional actors. Not too long after this event McKinley gets smashed by a cherry picker that holds a placard with the writing “McKinley” on it-the place were they live in is called “McKinley”, too. Humoristic stylistic devices like this one also get used to make other scenes of this movie more “humorous”, though I doubt that this sence of humour is everybody’s taste…
Some reviewers didn’t like the fact that some of the movie characters just are stereotyped high school students-e.g. the goth, the ambitious jock, the two girls who always hang around together, care a lot about their beauty and want to get as much attention as possible, the young man who has graduated from high school years ago, but just doesn’t want to leave yet and instead is after good-looking, young girls from high school, etc.-this also has its positive sides. Especially students from marginal groups e.g. goths can identify themselves with at least one of the main characters, but also other people may find someone to identify with in this movie.
As I said before, the subject death sometimes is exaggerated and escapist in this movie, but still a lot of people claim it would animate people to think and maybe even to discuss some philosophical subjects like predestination. Mainly the things Ian McKinley says in this movie are remarkable and true, e.g. that death actually equals nobody, because there are a lot of people who have done very bad things and still had a long life, while some kids who really haven’t done anything to anybody already died at such a young age. Apart from that the way he talks about death is quite cool and even calming if you’re afraid of dying, e.g. when he says things like “It’s simple! You die!” and that we all are biological organisms, wherefore death is only the ending of our biological functions. Well, I guess that depends on you whether or not you consider this to be calming.
The last point some have criticized is that this movie has no real plot. Actually it has a plot. Though this plot is very similar to all the other Final Destination-movies this fact isn’t so surprising, since it wouldn’t be Final Destination if the main plot wasn’t about a lot of people dying in accidents. Apart from that this is the only Final Destination-movie that differs from the rest of this series: This is the only one of them in which they can guess how they are going to die thanks to some photos the main protagonist has taken, while the song “Turn around look at me” indicates a horrible event that is going to happen soon.
All in all and to outline my message to you: Though it certainly isn’t the best movie ever it sure isn’t the worst either and if you don’t mind all the bad things about this movie, you could watch it. Personally I liked this film, though things like the bad language and the unrealistic death scenes sometimes annoyed me, too. I liked the fact that they also gave rather unknown actors the chance of becoming more popular and of course I also liked the already-mentioned positive aspects about this movie. On the other hand it was predictable I’d like this movie: After all Mary Elizabeth Winstead is-as you already know-my favorite actress and in my opinion this was the best appearance Kris Lemche (who after all is an amazing actor, too) ever had so far. It’s not only about these actors, but also about the characters they act: I do think I wouldn’t have liked this movie if it wasn’t for Wendy (technically Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Ian (technically Kris Lemche). Though I’ve never seen the fourth movie I do think that every Final Destination-movie features at least one character without whom this movie would have been worse. Apart from that whether or not you like this movie may also depend on the language you watch it in: I don’t give that much about it in German, but I thought it to be better in English, while the Latin American version really impressed me. Other than that it’s just as any other average movie, though to some it may be a little more than just average. Especially Kris Lemche and Mary Elizabeth Winstead-fans may be able to ignore the negative things about this film, since this is the only movie I know that’s starring both. By the way we shouldn’t forget the positive effects of this movie: If it wasn’t for this movie there wouldn’t be a “Making Of” Final Destination 3 which is at least as enjoyable as the movie itself and there you can learn more about the film crew, it’s made in an even funny and enertaining way and you can enjoy watching it without all the negative aspects of the actual movie. Some people took this story as a subject to write a few pretty good fanfictions and they posted it on the website “www.fanfiction.net”, a very popular website that I also like pretty much. Some others rather used it to make good music videos or hilarious spoofs of it and since they posted it on “www.youtube.com” or “www.dailymotion.com” they still are enjoyable for everyone. After all I may never have listened to the song “Turn Around Look At Me” if it wasn’t for its appearance in this movie, which would have been a pity, since I do like this song very much. The argument that the huge amount of cruelty and blood may be a reason why some kids recently started school shootings or other horrible deeds seems pretty lame to me: Nobody-not even a madman-would want to kill innocent people, just because he or she saw people dying on screen in a very unrealistic, but cruel way. Still I think most of the death scenes of the Final Destination-movies are rather for gore people.
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Okay, just one more FD3-fanfiction. Ian McKinley was just acted way too well by Kris Lemche to have only a few scenes. Although Mary Elizabeth Winstead actually is my favorite actress, I’m sure I still wouldn’t really have liked this movie if it wasn’t for Kris Lemche. Anyway, here we go: Wendy just saw the cherry picker going down, nearly crashing Ian. Nearly? Yes, because it was right now that Wendy realized her sister Julie pushing the boy aside and eventually saving herself. While everyone was frozen in shock by the terrible spectacle that took place right before their faces, she had jumped up impulsively wanting to save him and for a moment she even was able to push her sadness about her friend’s death aside.
Wendy however now realizing what her sister just had done jumped up, but before she could say or do anything the police and ambulance arrived to take care of the wounded. Since his rescue Ian hadn’t said a word and he only gave very short answers to the police officer asking him about the recent events, too.
At home Wendy explained to her younger sister why it had upsetted her so much, when she knew Ian would survive. She told her everything about the visions, the photos and about Erin’s death. Above all she explained to her, why from now on it was so important that the three of them (Kevin, Wendy and Julie) would have to stay away from this boy.
The following week Julie wouldn’t do anything anyway. She was on vacation and since her best friend’s death she just sat around in her room, sometimes crying out loudly and only coming out if it was necessary.
One weekend however she decided to go on. She wouldn’t make this festival the most important event of her life. This night she would go out to a disco to enjoy herself and after saying goodbye to her sister she left.
The atmosphere really cheered her up for a while-till she saw some rather small young man with black-dyed hair, wearing rather dark clothes. He too noticed her, but before she could sneak out, the cover of the building collapsed because of a mistake they had made while building it,* burrying most of the people there beneath. Actually Julie would have died aswell, but as already mentioned Ian had seen her and as soon as he knew what was going on* he dragged the younger sister of his former classmate into safety, into a corner where he hoped the two of them would be save.
Actually they were save there, but now they were captured between the ruins of two walls of this building and a huge pile of boulder and there seemed to be no escape-only a little light was still burning in the corner they were locked in. Ian tried to shrug this delicate situation off and telling himself the old proverb “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” he went to Julie to ask her if she was alright. Only starting to realize what was going on the girl weakly nodded and thanked him for saving her life before asking him whether he was hurt or something. Ian calmed her saying he too was alright and that it was a pleasure for him to be able to thank her this way for preventing him from getting killed by a cherry picker. “I guess the fire brigade will arrive soon to search for survivors. They won’t need long to get us out of this place!” and seeing her doubtful facial expression he added:”Don’t worry! It skipped me again and after all I just skipped your death right now. I guess now either Kevin or Wendy are to die.” and though he had tried not to stress the latter’s name he failed and his opponent looked up at him in shock. “Don’t worry! I only talk about facts! I will try not to do anything that could cause your sister’s death!” This time he didn’t say “Wendy”, because he knew he would fail again in pronouncing this name without showing any emotion.
They just sat there for a quite long time without saying anything, but since the radiator firstly sure was damaged and secondly on the other side of this barrier, Julie who just wore a dress that evening soon got very cold and still no sign of the fire brigade. So finally Ian offered her his jacket which she took very gratefully, while the former tried to keep himself warm by just moving a little around and betimes rubbing his hands. The girl felt bad for him, but Ian kept refusing to take his jacket-she offered him now-back.
Finally the fire brigade arrived and soon they had freed the two only survivors of this tragedy. Ian, as always a gentleman, defered to Julie who now as she was climbing out recognized her sister and Kevin in the crowd. They obviously didn’t realize that the wall they were leaning at also was damaged by pieces of the disco-building that had crashed against it. She wanted to scream, to warn them, but it already was too late and the wall started to fall into pieces, also because of the vibration the vehicles of the police, the ambulance etc. caused while driving by. Of course Wendy and Kevin tried to run away as soon as they realized, but they just didn’t make it and died immediately after the chunks hit them. That was how Ian was meant to cause Wendy’s death: If it wasn’t for him, Julie would have died in the building and thus Wendy wouldn’t have come around, because she wouldn’t have bared seeing the corps of her very sister.
Seeing Wendy and Kevin dying this way without being able to prevent it nearly drove Julie insane. She started to scream and to cry at the same time and thus she had to spend the following night under medical observation. Ian however now was lonely too and as soon as Julie was free again he rather begged her to stay at his house for a while. Julie hesitated: She didn’t know much about this boy who after all was nearly two years prior,-except for the facts that he was goth and since his girlfriend’s death quite insane and sometimes even drunk-but on the other hand he had always behaved politely towards her and after all he had saved her life. What did she have to lose? Her sister was dead and so was her best friend, her parents never had had much time for her and she would get depressed staying at home like this. “Okay!” she said “Let’s give it a try!” and not too long after this they even started dating each other, always being alert and watching out for any sign when they left their home. The highlight of this was, when Julie finally got pregnant. “We’ve got to take care now!” Ian said “Maybe when this baby-that actually never would have existed if we all had died in the roller coaster-is born the curse will be broken forever and we can go on with our lives!” Julie nodded, strong-willed to fight for the life of her new family. “We will make it!” she answered.
•I know the deaths in this fanfiction are…very unlikely to happen, but that’s just Final Destination, isn’t it?
◦I know that quick reactions like that aren’t in keeping with the original character.
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I just read too many “Final Destination 3”-related fanfictions on “fanfiction.net” and they inspired me so much, but I guess this will be my last Final Destination-related fanfiction. I hope I can write a story you are able to follow without having to see the movie. If you haven’t seen it yet, there’s no need in seeing it first, since the plot of this fanfiction doesn’t have much to do with the original plot. Here you’ll also find the review I wrote on this movie a while ago. Really nothing special! I just felt like writing a fanfiction about Ian McKinley, since he is the only character of this movie I even liked. Such a shame that he wasn’t involved in too many scenes. As you may guess after reading the first lines, this is an alternative to the actual ending of this movie, which I rather disliked. Anyway, here we go:
“Wait! Do I cause your death?” Ian McKinley couldn’t believe his luck. Finally he could take revenge on Wendy, the one he blamed for the death of his girlfriend. At the thought of her his voice suddenly got an embittered tone:”Just like you caused Erin’s?” Of course she was the one to blame! She was the one who had had the vision of the roller coaster accident and finally she was the one who had come around to warn them about their deaths and thus she sure was the one responsible for this. Ian saw her, Julie (her sister) and Kevin (apparently her new boyfriend) trying to escape, but of course he wouldn’t let them go. He would have his revenge if he only knew what to do, since obviously only he could cause Wendy’s death. Not realizing the firework that now was out of control and soon would go off and in his madness he still was waiting for an answer to his question. When he realized what was going on it was way too late: Several rockets moved straight and fast right into his direction-and in the direction of Julie and Wendy who quickly dragged the latter’s “boyfriend” down to protect him from the rockets-Ian didn’t know yet what had burned Kevin’s face, but his suffering was obvious. Alas both girls only fearing for Kevin’s life forgot to think of themselves, too-with a pained cry the two sisters fell to the ground, hit by a whole bunch of rockets. There was so much firework going off that one of them nearly hit Ian, too. Nearly! It just crashed into the cherry picker behind him. “That was all?”, Ian thought. His girlfriend had to die the most painful death he could ever imagine, while Wendy that b…bad girl didn’t even have to suffer a little. The sound above his head lead his thoughts back to his own fate. What to do now? If he moved, one edge of the sign sure would cut him, which would wound him badly. If he stayed, the weight of this thing sure wouldn’t be enough to kill him, would it?
Like out of nowhere his cousin Kris ran towards him, pushing him and eventually causing both of them to fall-the cherry-picker only missed them by half a meter. “Ian, what are you doing here?” Kris asked still not being able to respire calmly. “What?” Ian tried to sound as innocent as possible:”I’m just celebrating this event! What else would I do here?” When Kris told him, that he just had been about to go home, when he saw his cousin nearly getting killed by that thing, Ian couldn’t believe his luck: Now his cousin would never find out about Ian’s real plans for this evening. “Who are they?” with a shock Kris realised the two corpses and the badly-wounded young man on the ground. “Well, these two were my former classmate and her sister, while the one lying half-unconscious there is Kevin a good friend of mine from school.” To keep the conversation short (meanwhile he had a new plan for his revenge) Ian quickly added:”He needs to see the doctor immediately! I’ve got my car parked not too far away! Gotta go now! Sorry! Bye!” and with that he ran to his car and drove it to the spot where he had left Kevin before-of course Kris still was waiting there, too. Together they put the injured into the car. Quickly Ian thanked his helper innerly laughing about his stupidity. Of course he wouldn’t bring his pretended friend to a doctor, he would bring him to the house his parents had left him, before moving to another state.
The next morning Kevin woke up with a horrible, burning pain in his face, not knowing where he was or what exactly had happened last night after Wendy’s death. Wendy’s death! The sudden thought was like a hard slap in the face. First the first love of his life, now Wendy…What would happen now?
As if on cue suddenly the door opened. “What’s up mate?” Ian asked in an exaggerated good mood, stressing the word “mate” in an ironic way. He didn’t expect any answer, so he went on:”Though I’m sure you won’t enjoy your time here too much, I still wish you a comfortable stay in here. I guess you want some light now to see your room better.” Saying so, he pulled back a few curtains. The bright daylight blinded Kevin at first, but when he saw the room, he wished he would have stayed blind. On the walls there were photos all around him: Some showed his best friend Jason, only a few hours before his death on the roller coaster, some showed Carrie and some even showed the two couples Jason-Wendy, Kevin-Carrie standing together. Judging by a look on Kevin’s facial expression, Ian could guess that his plan had worked: His former classmate suddenly was pale, looking as if oppressing the urge to cry. Content with the harm he had done, Ian walked away, not without whistling Carries favorite song “Go The Distance” by Daniel Boys.
Preparing Kevin’s meal, a hamburger-the last meal Jason, Kevin, Carrie and Wendy had had together-suddenly a thought came into Ian’s mind: What if the dying wasn’t over yet and Kevin would get killed very soon? “Oh, come on!” Ian calmed himself:”It skipped both of you, so what could happen now?”
“You little, sadistic…Let me go! Immediately!” Of course it was quite a shock for Kevin to get reminded of this tragedy again. “Oh, that’s very rude of you! After all I just brought you something to eat!” Ian acted offended.
Two weeks later there still was no sign that this torturing would end soon: Kris never heard the news, Ian’s relatives never came around and who could know about Kevin’s stay anyway?
Ian’s plans how to torture Kevin became worse every day: One day he brought him the first movie he had watched with Carrie and Kevin got forced to watch it, another day Ian brought in a newspaper article about Wendy’s death etc.
In the end Kevin wished he could die, but of course there was no way: Ian really did his best not to leave anything in this room that could cause Kevin’s death. Suddenly everything came to an end: Ian was just about to tell his prisoner the story of how the latter and his first girlfriend had met for the first time, when both young men suddenly heard a female voice calling Ian’s name. “Oh no!”, Ian suddenly jumped up:”I forgot to lock the front door!” He hadn’t recognized the voice yet, so when he saw her, he immediately forgot everything about Kevin and his own suffering since Erin’s death. Right in front of him stood his ex-girlfriend Erica. She has been the love of his life only one year ago, so when she left him this was like an earthquake for her former boyfriend. That was the only reason why he later got so attached to Erin. She too seemed a little intimidated now, since she had already given up hope to find him here. Finally, since neither of them knew what to do or say, Erica broke the silence:”Ian it’s me, Erica! I…I’m sorry for the things I’ve done! If I had only known how life would be without you…This was one of the biggest mistakes of my life!” and with that she burst out into tears. Ian wanted to calm her, to tell her he’d forgive her and to ask her what had happened to her, since it was obvious how miserable she felt. Alas he didn’t get the chance of doing so, because now the boy Erica had just left came through the still open door-a gun in his right hand. “You followed me!” Erica screamed in terror, immediately backing off. Normally this would have caused a flashback in Ian’s head, but the gunman didn’t even leave him a little time to think further. “Yes!” he said, but before he could accomplish the horrible deed he had planned to do, Kevin was able to break free from his prison, which by chance was situated close to the place where the gunman now stood. He had planned to do so since the day he woke up in this room, but since he firstly didn’t know where exactly the exit was and since Ian was very likely to find a way to stop him as his prisoner was sure, he had considered it to be wiser to wait for some kind of special moment to break free. This moment was now! The boy lunged at his opponent being able to overpower him. Ian, meanwhile awoken from his shock-like trance and already forgetting his plans for revenge came to help and together they threw the now disarmed into a room, which Ian immediately locked with a key from the bunch of them he always had in his trouser pocket. Before Ian could thank his former victim, Kevin already responded smiling:”You’re welcome, mate!” trying to stress the word “mate” the same way Ian had done the first day of Kevin’s captivity. “Just don’t ask!”, now Ian was turning to the reason why this man with the gun had come around anyway. Kevin also considered it to be better not to mention anything at first, so he just said he would like to know what just had happened and that he wanted to know the reasons why this madman had just come around.
Later after calling the police, Erica told them everything, about how bad she had wanted to plan her future with this man who later turned out to be “an alcoholic monster”, about how he had slapped his very girlfriend and finally, since she knew he would never change, about her escape.
Everything seemed perfectly: Kevin didn’t seem to be so keen on telling the whole story about his disappearing, Erica now sure would never leave Ian again and the owner of this house himself would never think of revenge again. Alas it only seemed perfectly! Only a few minutes before the police would arrive Rico (that was the gunman’s name) was able to break free from his prison, being able to get the gun back Ian had just put on a shelf, saying “What could happen now anyway?” and pointed the gun in Erica’s direction. “No!” Kevin was the first one to react. He threw himself between the bullet and its aim, knowing it would cause his death.
Two days later Ian woke up in prison in the middle of the night. He just reconsidered this whole event. Rico already was sentenced to death for murder and attempted murder, while he himself would have to spend several months in jail: Of course after seeing Kevin’s dead body it was easy for these officers to figure out what had happened and so Ian got arrested aswell. Erica-who tried really hard to understand how Ian had been able to do something like that-promised to visit him as often as possible and they already knew they would move to some other place as soon as Ian was free again. All his hate against Wendy had gone away and now he was able to accept Erin’s fate. His room mate, an elderly, coloured man was here, because of committing disfigurement of corpses. It was strange to hear all the things he knew about death. After Ian had told him his story, this strange person calmed him, saying death never had planned him to die in this roller coaster accident. He was meant to survive his fall badly injured, but still alive. It was strange, but Ian believed this man and his totally absurd story about death’s plan. “I must have been through too many experiences with death on my own.” he told himself. Now he would have to deal with the three deaths he had caused. He had forgiven Wendy, but would he be able to forgive himself?
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By the way I already apologize, since I already know nearly certainly that due to a technical error they won’t show it the way I want it.

It’s been a while since my last story, but in about two weeks I’ll have my final exam in English and one of the tasks may be based on the shortstory “The Second Hut”. In fine this story is about a man who decides to give up his career as an English soldier to live the life of a farmer in Africa. Of course his wife and children don’t have much to say, since this takes place about 100 years ago and thus especially his wife has to follow him against her will. However she suffers from the bad living conditions there and becomes sick and depressed. After having some trouble with the farmwork and his workers who one day start a rebellion against him, he decides to give up and move back to England. In the end it is described how grateful his wife is when he tells her about that and it is indicated that this causes her to recover from her depression. I just imagined that she would have to see a psychologist back in England. A possible task could be to write a letter to this psychologist before their first meeting:
Dear Mr.Collin,
You asked me to tell you about the moment I realized that I have some kind of psychological problem and as you wanted I’ll also tell you about my emotions and thoughts no matter how ridiculous they seem to be now that everything is over.
As far as I remember it all started half a year ago with my husband telling me that he had given up his military career and that he wanted to imigrate to Rhodesia to become a farmer. At first I thought this was a joke, but of course it wasn’t! It all came so sudden and without a warning. He just confronted me with facts!
I begged him to change his mind,-I didn’t want to show him that I was close to tears though, since I was too proud back then.-but stubborn as he was and still is, he didn’t listen to me, so I tried not to make a mountain out of a molehill. I told myself again and again that I had to obey my husband and that it was only usual for a man to make decisions without his wife, since a good wife would follow him anyway. He is a good and intelligent man and thus I’ve always accepted his authority, knowing that his decisions would be to everyone’s best.
Sure Africa wouldn’t be that bad and actually I was right: It was far worse than one could ever imagine. As if it wasn’t worse enough that we had to live in a little, untidy cabine, my husband didn’t even take his time to comfort me when I sat in a chair cryiing, since he had to work outside most of the time.
I had to bring myself up to accepting this situation and I tried to oppress my tears. I remembered my parents who told me that an adult woman from my social class never cries and that I should always try to keep a stiff upper lip-no matter the reason for my sadness.
I even tried to crack a few jokes about my untidy outward appearance and the whole mess around me, but when the different climate there affected my children’s health-they became very pale and skinny,-I realized that my attempt to keep up appearances would fail and I stopped fighting this depression. It felt like dying when one day I realized that I couldn’t get up anymore! I simply didn’t have the will to do so. Of course he needed some time to realize what was going on, but finally he decided to comfort me. He took his time to tell me that everything would be fine and he cared for me very well. However it was too late! To me this gesture was like giving a small glass of water to someone who has been lost in the desert for days. It just wasn’t enough to help me out of this depression that after all had enough time to increase during those weeks.
I realized how rotten I have become and it made everything worse for me…I realized that after a while I even stopped caring for my own children. During my first weeks on this farm I enjoyed writing letters to my brother-in-law. Yes, I enjoyed it! It was as if my heart wandered back to my former life as an English lady, but now I just didn’t see any use in it anymore. Why should I let my heart wander if my body had to stay? Apart from that I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t want to arise his sympathy, but there just wasn’t anything not too pathetic I could have told him.
As I said I felt worse every day! There wasn’t a single thing I cared about: We got a new worker on our farm, but I couldn’t care less. There was a burning on our farm, but even if it had threatened the place where I lay I wouldn’t have given that much about it.
I never blamed the man I’m married to for the whole situation, but when he told me that he had enough of his life there and that we would go back to England as I’ve always wanted, I burst out into tears of joy and if it wasn’t for my weakness-the result of the sickness I’ve been suffering from during the last weeks.-I would have gotten up to give him a hug. Thus I just thanked him for finally giving in, but I still think that words are not enough to describe how graceful I am. He can’t know how much I thank him for finally putting an end to this nightmare and for giving me this patch of heaven, called England, back. That he made my wish come true felt like being a slave who finally is allowed to leave his former cage-his master’s property-to be free from that day on.
I hope I didn’t get too far into details and I hope the information given in my letter may be of any use for you.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs.Johanna Carruthers
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P.S. Formal things like leaving gaps or mentioning the date when this letter got written are only missing, because of this website.