Reader
Taiwan
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Chapter 21, 109~118 . After seeing the big girl off, we ended up in a nearby hotel. Naked now, and still standing by the bathtub, she looked at me. The glaring sunlight penetrated into the room. I complimented her slim legs, but instead of sincere thanks, she just grunted. She showed sensitivity to my slightest touch when I kissed her soft nipples. . When I woke up later, she disappeared without leaving a note or message. My head felt extremely heavy from drinking too much. I sat reviewing the details of encountering a strange girl and getting laid with her. After taking a shower, I checked out the hotel, and then, took a bus back to the dorm. I was surprised at a letter from Naoko as I slung the door open. Just having read a few lines, I gave way to an incessant stream of feeling. I felt as if the world began to shift and turn its color, and I stopped reading and closed my eyes, taking a few minutes to gather my thoughts before continuing reading. She wrote: . “It’s been quite some time since I came here. I felt sorry not to return your letter immediately. This may not be fair to you, but whether it’s fair or not isn’t a deserved concern for girls like my age. To be honest, I’ve been thinking a lot about you and our relationship. Sometimes, I thought that it might be a mistake to lead you around in circles and even hurt you just as deeply as I hurt myself. Please don’t be angry at me because I was also unaware of what I have done to you. You have to understand I’m not a normal person – a far more flawed human being. Now I’m waiting to unlock the mystery that’s been annoying me so far. You maight think my words were little more than a complain, but, if you think this way, that isn’t an exact impression. . I’ve been under treatment for several months. I myself feel that I’m getting much better than you realize. People told me that this is an extraordinary treatment. To tell you the truth, the reason why I couldn’t write back to you was I hadn’t been able to sit down and calmly write a letter. However, now I’m sitting quietly and writing a letter to you; that means I’m getting progress. . This is a place very different from others. We are surrounded with green Mountains and clean air, and a cut-off world from the outside. And we all live a regular life here. It’s just such a wonderful thing to write a letter to you and to convey my thoughts to a distant friend. Now in the evening, I can count all kinds of stars hung high on the dark sky, and people here are good at horoscope, which I wouldn’t be surprised because there’s nothing to do when night falls upon. I also exercise every day, regular as clockwork. You may wonder what exercise I do – tennis and baseball. Our baseball teams are made up of both staff and patients – I hate the word “patients”, for we just didn’t admit that there’s one small part of the problems growing in us. . We are trying to understand more about our deformities. The more we understand, the more we can accept. It may sound absurd to you when you hear what I’m saying now. But, in our treatment, we know we all have certain kinds of deformities in our mental or physical condition. A normal person just didn’t admit this point. That’s why we are here to be trained to see more of our flawed personalities. . We also do a bit of gardening every day. The freshly picked fruits and vegetables would make you feel less like eating meat and fish because those are so delicious. You may wonder if there have all kinds of experts here. You are right. We depend on each other and learn from those what we are doing. The only problem about this place is that once we are here, we are afraid to leave. The place is like a paradise unlike the outside world. But doctors say that we will have to face outside people one day and accept the outside world again. I’ll explain more to you if you want to visit me. . Watanabe. I know you have a good feeling about me. Thinking of it, I always feel happy. You know it is just what I need most at this point in my life. Please don’t feel upset about my letter if I say wrong. I sometimes had a weird thought: if we’d met under a normal circumstance without Kizuki, our lives would have been different. Of course, there’re too many “what-ifs” in the future, and we can’t predict that what is going to happen next. I only hope to communicate that small part of my feelings to you. . This isn’t an ordinary hospital, but still has visiting hours. You can come any time if you like. The only requirement is you have to call the day before coming. There’s a room for you to stay overnight, and you also can play with us. I sincerely wish to see you. Sorry this turned out to be such a long letter.” . When I finished reading, I felt thirty, so I went downstairs to buy a Coke from a vending machine. I read again while walking down. The address says “Ami Hostel” written in the end, which I thought about it for a few minutes. Later, I went out, and wandered about nearby streets because I was afraid that I would read her letter again and again. It was until the sun went down, and the neon signs sparkled on those busy streets, lying on the bed, I’m waiting to get sleepy. For a longer while, I couldn’t. Then, I rose up and picked up the book “The Magic Mountain”, making an attempt to forget what I had read every word from her. Even so, I still didn’t feel sleepy until midnight. . I was assured of gaining admission by a receptionist to the hospital the next day. As soon as I woke on Monday morning, I changed clothes and went to the dorm Head’s room to say that I was going to be gone for a few days. After that, I bought a train ticket to Kyoto and sat with coffee on my hand in the station café, waiting the train to come. Crowds from the busy streets were jamming into the station, and the morning sunlight streamed through the windows. I took out her letter and read again. The warm air was filled with the occasional sound of the children laughter, and students were carrying on long conversations, standing the whole time. My thoughts were also being carried into Naoko’s perfect, tiny characters that I’d been indulging myself in ever since I was caught by them…
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