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Rikarduhedgehog
Portugal
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I've received this email from an Arab friend.
Please don't read if you don't have a sense of humor of your Arabic heritage..for those who do…read..
You Know You're An ARAB If…
1. You say "bolice", "bebsi", and "botluck" " for "police", "pepsi" and "potluck"
2. You inherited or will inherit land in your home country.
3. You brag about your kids even if they are bad.
4. Your spouse is also your first cousin.
5. Your dad eats mensef with his hands and forces his son to "join the men."
6. You own a grocery store, liquor store, or gas station.
7. You're fat and blame it on the kids, or you're bald and blame it on the stress.
8. Your aunt asks you when she can dance at your wedding.
9. You smoke as if it were your last day on earth…and you only smoke MARLBOROS.
10. You wear more cologne than deodorant.
11. You pronounce "comfortable" cun-fort-a-bull.
12. You say the letter "h" like "etch."
13. You put olive oil in and on everything and brag about how healthy it is.
14. You gossip about your own family…with members of your own family.
15. You have more than 4 kids.
16. You eat humus at least 4 times a week.
17. You cook a meal that lasts 3 days.
18. You talk crap about the abeed, but love them when they buy from you.
19. At parties, you think it's cool to dance and smoke at the same time.
20. You pity anyone who is not an Arab and think all other cultures are morally corrupt.
21. You have fruit trees in your backyard and when they are in season you live on them.
22. You don't use the word "tease" in English cause you feel weird.
23. You watch the hell out of the Arabic channel and talk crap about the rest.
24. Your father swears at you with words that effect himself.
25. You have 500, 000, 000 cousins.
26. At weddings it takes the bride and groom 4 hours to kiss all the guests.
27. You "get down" from the car instead of "getting out" of it.
28. You act like you want to pay, but in reality you hate to pay.
29. You have a gold necklace of your name written in Arabic.
30. You own and/or play a tubleh
31. Your middle name is your father's first name.
32. If you are male, you're named after your grandfather or great-grandfather.
33. You play cards till the break of dawn.
34. You never run out of bizzer.
35. You can't have a meal without Arabic bread.
36. You get offended when Americans call call Arabic bread "Pita bread, "
37. If you are an Arab woman, you dye your hair an obviously fake shade of blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.
38. You feel proud when someone famous or a celebrity has any Arabic blood in them.
39. You teach your American friends Arabic words (mostly bad ones) and get happy when they use them in normal conversations.
40. Your Mom has a creative nick name for you like "Susu, " Natoosheh, " or "Tuntooneh."
41. You have a difficult Arabic name to pronounce so you come up with an Americanized version of it like "Sam" or "Mike."
42. You have someone tell you your fortune through your coffee cup.
43. You love Um Kalthoom and if you don't, your dad makes you listen to her and tries to translate the words into English so you can appreciate her as much as he does.
44. Three or more relatives live in your neighborhood.
45. If you're a single Arab guy, you tell women you're a "successful businessman" or that you "own own a successful business back home" even if you're an unemployed goat herder.
46. Your favorite food is warag dawali, but you are embarrassed to tell your friends that you eat leaves for dinner.
47. You get really happy and call the whole family to the room when there is a special or documentary on Arabs or anything Arabic related on CNN or PBS.
48. You use church as a social ground to meet potential wives/husbands
49. You have a uni-brow…and if you don't, you pluck it.
50. You bump Arabic music at all times!
You've heard Amr Diab's "Ya Nour el Ein" 764363 times in your lifetime.
-You've considered having "EDBTZ" as a screenname or license plate number
-You get pissed when an Arab is portrayed as a terrorist in a movie.
-You go to an Arabic restaurant, tell the owner you're an Arab, and expect to get free food.
Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo.
Your father is a doctor or engineYou order hot tea at Chili's.
You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.
You have a Persian rug in every room.
You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds.
You actually like yogurt drinks.
You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.
Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.
You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.
You curse at your teachers or strangers in Arabic.
You wonder whether a cute girl is Arabic and go up to ask her just to start a conversation
You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house
You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.
You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted at you because they keep staring.
You have Thanksgiving dinner with rice and "bamiyah" (STEW)
After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea.
You walk down a street with Arab stores and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Arabic conversations.
Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer.
You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out.
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.
You have at least thirty cousins.
You have a 4 cousins, an uncle, a brother-in-law and 7 friends named Mohammed.
You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.
You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal. ...all arbs are late all the time!
You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport.
You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
You say bye 17 times on the phone.
When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.
Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.
Your friends tell you to be quiet when you are on the phone with your family because now you are screaming at the top of your lungs.
Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
You hide everything from your parents.
Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
Everyone is a family friend
If you are male, you only date Westerners and even secretly get engaged to one to scare your family, until you finally end up marrying an Arabic girl.
If you are female, every guy you know dates Western girls who walk all over him, then when he's finally ready to get married, he comes to ask for you.
You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius
You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate.
You teach Westerners swearwords in your Arabic.
You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on"
You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see at least twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of…the royal family.
Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother.
SMILE  daiman abadan P.S –
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