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Life Talk!

What do you you think about the being unfaithful when the couple is separated with each other?

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

I am not talking about the couples of being separated legally. The case I am saying here is the couples who are forced to live in separated cities or towns, as one partner, often a husband, come to a city for living, while the wife and their kids are living in the hometown. The husband could not afford the expenses to have wife and kids to come to this city. Too many cases like that in this city where is full of immigrants from the small towns and countrysides.

Now the problem is out there. The couples can only meet each other several times in a year, it is sure not enough, you know what I meant. So, to get a girl here as a lover or go to a street gal once in a while, such unfaithful things are already become a phenomenon. And more and more ppl take it for granted, and shrug shoulders, 'well, we are human beings.'

I know it is not normal, but it seems there is not too much that can be done.  This bad thing is happening to one of my close friend. Her hubby is working outside, from one place to another place, mining exploring job, only a couple of months at home each year. She caught him with one local girl when she visited him this month, she got a call from the woman to her hubby's cell phone. She does not know what she should do. Distance, life…desire….

What do you you think about this being unfaithful? to be honest, I am pretty confused…I know it's wrong, but I think this life is not what the couples have been expected, life is hard!

03:36 PM Aug 31 2007 |

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Tabetha

Tabetha

Germany

Hi,

 I live since years in another town than my husband, but in normal cases we could see each other during the weekend.Hard enough, because my opinion is that every marriage is hard work – every day.  Hard days for your friend. I guess it depends for a big part on his behaviour and thinking – has it been an one night stand and does he feel bad for this? Or does he say that´s like men are … Or has it been an affaire for a longer time … If it was a Ons – maybe there will be a little chance for living together further in future. But I don´t see a real chance for a marriage where you only have contact during some weeks in the year. But by the way – why not? Women are used to wait for their husbands. Men seems to take every chance with another women – I also don´t like women who gets into deeper contact to marriaged men … But in fact it is on the turn of our husband to resist this women …I still wonder – men always says that the are more cool-headed than women – haha. Guys, sorry for this, but why do you not behave like that …  If it was an affaire – no way. He will do the same some months later … In my opinion it serves him right to loose his family. And he will see – the new woman is not better than the other one … This is only the dreams for the first weeks …  Be a good friend for your friend, I really do not envy her.  Have a nice day all over the world.

05:20 PM Aug 31 2007 |

worldmikel

worldmikel

United States

Women do this, too. I know everyone has seen "Sex and the City" and "Desperate Housewives"? There is no answer to this. Everyone that gets married makes their deal or agreement with their partner. It is their problem. Life doesn't come with a Guarantee or Warranty. People make good and bad choices in their lives. I only wish that all my bad choices in life were limited to the style of clothes I wear. Try as you may, the person you choose as a partner has a life of their own. You can only hope that they value you as much as you value them. That is always subject to change. No amount of "work" creates love and respect. You can't will the Sun to rise later tomorrow. It will come up when it comes up. There are some things that are just out of our control. Yell

One thing is for sure, AIDS is rampant in this world. Sherry's friend should not get depressed and have sex with her husband now. At least not without a condom. He's not honest about his relationship. He could have a disease and lie about that, too. Her life could be worse. Be careful. 

09:03 PM Aug 31 2007 |

Tabetha

Tabetha

Germany

Good Morning Mikel,

"There are some things that are just out of our control."

It is out of mens control to say no to a woman? Ui … Poor guys …

Sorry, I get chances nearly every day – although I am about 40 years old :- ) (Yes I know, it does not depend on womens attractive, men try to get a woman the whole day long – if they would work such as hard in their jobs, german economy would perform better!).

What a luck, that I am able to deny them, because I know how precious my partnership is. And that I would destroy more than 10 years – for some minutes ! maybe good sex?

I will not dispute that we all have weak moments, make mistakes and still act stupid. Men and women. No question. But to say it is out ouf our control is to simple, too male. And guys please (and girls too :-)) – Sex and the City is not a picture of reality! It covered the picture of living in a big, big city as a working women in the thirties. Some aspects we all could identify with. I still wondered about an Indian girl here in the forum thinking that women in the USA and Europe all behave like the girls in Sex and the City. No, most of us are not able to wear 12cm Manolo Blancos the whole day – we would get a fractured leg …

Have a nice day all over the world.

04:16 AM Sep 01 2007 |

worldmikel

worldmikel

United States

Of course men or women can control their own conduct.

What your partner does is out of your control. What you do is out of your partner's control. About the only control you have over the situation/relationship is to stay or walk away.

I agree "Sex and the City" is fiction. However, many of the stories and story lines resemble true situations in real life. Women are not THE used and abused sex in the modern world; the westernized world. They are equal opportunity abusers.

You need not worry about an Indian girl. Many women in Bangalore act just like the women in "Sex and the City".  The story lines of lesbianism and infidelity in Bollywood movies have their roots in real life India.

All I was really saying – and this applies to men and women – choose your partner well, but realize that the fidelity of your partner (man or woman) is only something you can hope for, no amount of words, no matter how much YOU value the realationship, warm feelings in your tummy or marital contracts – nothing guarantees it. 

07:49 AM Sep 01 2007 |

sherryleio

sherryleio

China

Looks like this conversation is going deeper.

I just checked out one English lesson at Ebaby "CHEATING", a talk between Mason and Emily. Just like Mason says, anyone who spends a prolonged period of time away from their significant parson, it just leaves that wiggle room. Same for men and women. So it may account for the infidelity of the couples in that case. It is not so comfortable to admit this fact, but it is out there.

Just like Mikel said, you can choose to stay or walk away, but none of the choice is easy. 

Intersting is many guys around here have the same opinion as Mason, if you cheat on someone, you do not tell, you do not fess up to that. The guys assure me when we discuss this that the smart wives should understand, that's the mistake that every guy might make. Even some wives gradually have accepted this reluctantly, and pass this message to their husbands, 'be careful, even you do that once or twice, do not let me know.'   This is already not confined to the couples who are separated geographically.  Sigh!

05:57 AM Sep 02 2007 |