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The New & Improved English Language

The New & Improved English Language

Date: Mar 31 2006


1. Learn Vocabulary - Learn some new vocabulary before you start the lesson.

2. Read and Prepare - Read the introduction and prepare to hear the audio.

Earlier this morning English language scholars from around the world voted to permanently change the grammar of the English language. Scholars at the 3rd World Congress of English Rules agreed that English should be much simpler for people to learn. They have made the following changes to the language, which go into effect immediately:

1. No more articles. Those pesky words the, an, and a are gone.

2. Present tense verbs only. Noting that too many people were living in the past, scholars decided to get rid of past and perfect tense verbs.

3. Every sentence must end with the phrase “fo’ shnizzle my wizzle!”

April Fool’s!

Listen to Taylor and I talk about April Fool’s Day.


1. Listen and Read - Listen to the audio and read the dialog at the same time.

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2. Study - Read the dialog again to see how the vocab words are used.





Taylor:  Guess what, Dave?

Dave:  What’s that?

Taylor:  Today’s April Fool’s Day.

Dave:  Nope, tomorrow’s April Fool’s Day.

Taylor:  No, it’s not.

Dave:  It’s not.

Taylor:  Nope. There’s been this, ah, time shift that you may not have heard about. I was looking on the news yesterday…

Dave:  Yeah.

Taylor:  ...all dates are going back by one day and today is actually April Fool’s Day.

Dave:  Today is April Fool’s Day?

Taylor:  Today is April Fool’s Day.

Dave:  What about practical jokes, do you do anything?

Taylor:  I don’t really, you know, do too many practical jokes. I’m not much of a joker in that way.

Dave:  No?

Taylor:  I know that on a lot of college campuses, you know, practical jokes are a big thing on April Fool’s. Do you have any examples?

Dave:  Well, on campus, we used to do some stuff, but it was a bit over-the-top. But at home, especially growing up, I loved playing jokes on people. I used to put peanut butter in the earpiece of the phone, or saran wrap over the toilet.

Taylor:  Those are very sinister things to do.



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No one knows the origins of April Fool’s Day, but everyone loves to celebrate it. Here are some famous April Fool’s Day hoaxes:

- In 1957, the BBC ran a fake tv show about people in Switzerland growing spaghetti on trees.

- In 1998, Burger King announced the “Left-Handed Whopper,” a big hamburger for left-handed people.

- Also in 1998, the State of Alabama announced that it was changing the mathematical value of Pi from 3.14 to 3.0.

April Fool’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. In France, the day is called “April’s Fish” and people try to secretly stick paper fish to each other’s back as a joke.

In Iran, the day for hoaxes and jokes is April 3.

How is April Fool’s celebrated in your country, fo’ shnizzle my wizzle?



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United States

I love to learn english here.that grammar things is a joke too ?

05:24 PM Apr 01 2006 |

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