My Blog

Beware of studies! 

I can say without hesitation that my studies are definitely the worst and at the same time the best thing that happened to me in my life!

First of all, I am free, I am independent, I can do whatever I want (if only I can afford it) because I don't live with my parents but in the dormitory.

Last but not least, the funny thing I don't have time to do what I mentioned above. I have to study all the time. Each weekend, each Christmas, each Easter and other days that should be destined to relax, chill out and have some fun. NO, that's not how my life looks. And I am fed up with it! It's getting worse and worse each year.

They told me "the first year is the most difficult, when you pass it, then it will be easy". Never believe in that shitty words! 

The second year was much more worse, I had 40 hours of lectures and classes per week... And then, when I was actually losing my hope and strenght, the third year came! Hurray! So I began to regret that I am no longer on the second year... But there's nothing I can do... I can't stop, I can't withdraw from "the game". It's too late, no worth doing it... But there's so little strength in me... I am getting mad. There are 4 weeks left and the holidays will start but how can I manage to pass all of the exams... It should be easier because this semester there are only 2 of them and I always had around 10... but there are also some tests that I am not sure I can prepare to...Here I am talking about my English grammar test in word formation and my bachelor exam... Damn it! I don't even have time to write it... So bye,bye!

If you have to learn, remember that you are still in better situation than I am.

THE END.

I am an adult but life still seems to be too difficult for me. Does this mean I am not mature enough to cope with everyday problems?I just feel overwhelmed almost all the time. I always ask myself one question – Can I live?Do I really know how to do it?And how to do it properly?

I don't know those answeres, unfortunately I will never know, that's my opinion.

And maybe when I know it, it will be too late... No chance to use that information.

Maybe that is the sense of life. To live, experience and gradually get to know those answers and when I know what I want it's the end of my life. My life has no other sense. My aim is fulfilled...

Sounds sad, istn't it?

Every day disappoints me at some level, in majority of cases it's me who disappoints me... I mean I disappoint myself and I feel really bad about it. Or maybe I am too strict toward myself...Difficult to say.

Today for example made my hurt a lot... I am in a relationship but actyally I feel like I was single. You may ask me why... The problem is that I have to concentrate on my studies as I am not the best in my group and I am afraid of being thrown away. And my boyfriend always has free time for himself, he visits his friends, has fun, drinks beer and then comes back to our dormitory romm at about 2 o'clock. It's the time I generally finish studying, preparing for tests etc. And I want to tak to him, hug, kiss... but there's no chance. He goes to bed and immediately fells asleep.

Obviously I shouldn't have been angry with him but I was and I always will be. That hurts. He knows that it's the only time of the day I am free and I can sacrifice all this time just to him but he doesn't like to go to sleep late... I am just opposite... I can stay late. I considere it as a huge and serious problem in our relationship. I don't want to have such life in the future. Yes, I know, probably I will have to get up earlier to go to work so I won't be able to stay late or sleep just few hours but if so, I want to do it know because know it's possible and it's the only and the last chance to do it... And with him... I feel like with my grandmother. She goes to bed at the same hour as he does...

Can you suggesr something to me to improve that unconvenient situation?I would us to be together forever but I really don't want it to look like that.

Apart from that, he's very caring, thoughtful, he helps me a lot etc. And I think that's why I am becoming the more and more demanding... That's how it works.

If he wasn't so good to me, I would dream about his being good and I would not mind his going to bed so early...

Girls will be girls... And we will always have problems like those of mine...

P.S. I want to recommend you my favourite piece of music: BIRDY – SHELTER, and other songs of her ;) It's rather melancholic and sad but helps me a lot to get calm after situations like today's.  

C'est plus qu'évident que cette journée ne soit pas bien pour moi. Je suis malade depuis environ un mois, je suis fatiguée, comme j'avais vous dit je n'ai pas dormé bien aussi... Je suis seule dans ma chambre, je ne sais pas quoi faire, je voudrais commencer à écrire la présentation mais je n'ai aucune idée comment faire ça... Mon sujet c'est la critique de la hypothèse de Sapir-Whorf qui dit que la langue influence notre perception du monde. Mais, il y a aussi des côtes positives de ce jour, j'ai réussi à écouter 60 minutes de BBC learning English - 6 minutes English ;) C'est très facile mais ça me permet de me rappeler les mots que je connais mais je ne les utilise pas parce que j'ai oublié leur existance :P 

Je suis allée avec mon ami chez les autres amis de ma maison d'étudiants mais j'ai détesté être obligée à écouter ce qu'ils disent à propos d'un jeu THE WORLD OF TANKS. Ils en parlaient trop et moi, j'assoyais, j'écoutais et j'ai eu mal à la tête. C'est pourquoi je suis rentrée à ma chambre et pour cette raison je suis triste maintenant. 

Je veux parler avec quelqu'un, rire, sourire, boire la bière ensemble. Mais, ce n'est pas comme ça. J'assois ici, seule en buvant la reste de la bière... Merci pour votre attention, bonne nuit!