jokes

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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.”What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.He triped and fell on the ground.He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don’t exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?”
Very well,” said the voice.The light went out.The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:”Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, “TWO PROSTITUTES… $150.00.”A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they’d have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they’d be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, “JESUS SAVES.”The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over. “Well, that’s a little different since it pertains to religion.” The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again. As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, “TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER… $150.00.”