Nighty´s Blog >.<

Jesus, damn! I need a new camera for christmas.
It´s so stupid, there are so many situations where I want to photograph, but... well, no camera, no pics. I believe that it´s god´s punishment for me, because I have drunk alcohol on a school trip. Although it´s my first time, cann´t he just forget it and forgive me?? I know I was ( a little bit) stupid, but well, nobody is perfekt and I can make mistakes too... usually I´m not such a religiouse person, but this is not just a coincidence.
So pleaseeee... I wanna have a new camera for christmas, since my last one is broken. (someone who was drunk sat on it... R.I.P.) grant my wish and I would never do it again, I promise!

I have made cookies with my friends today, it was so much fun! I ate so many cookies, I think I would need a diet tomorrow ^^ The Sleepover-party by JR was awsome too, although we haven´t watched so many movies and I have only slept about 3 hours. I just didn´t want leave EM and AD alone... Not just because I was nice, but I also wanted to know what they are talking about. I just couldn´t sleep because I was worried. Why? Good question, I don´t know. Jealousy and curiosity I guess. I know, I know, I was probably a pain in their asses, or at least in AD´s ass, haha... but well, I don´t care what he think about me anyway and I don´t want to know it.

ok... I wish all my friends a merry christmas etc etc... and a happy new year etc. etc... and I hope I will get healthy soon. 

*cough cough* 

wish you a merry Christmas !!!

with love                     your nighty >_<# 

Seriously, I´m not kidding...

I have got a A+ for my german exam!! On the first one I have got a F (a F- to be honest :S) and now an A+... I swear, I´m not lieing. It´s almost a miracle. No, actually IT IS a MIRACLE. It proofs again that if you work hard enough, you can get everything you want. The teacher said that I will get a B or C in my school report. yepii :D

But am I happy? I donn´t know... I´m still depressiv and sad and my head is still aching... What´s wrong with me? I always want to get an A in german and I have worked so hard for it... Why am I not happy?? I should laugh and dance around like a idiot. I should scream out loud and go out with my friends again, like I always do after a good thing happens. 

maybe I´m just tired... That´s must be the answer...

 well... wish you all the best, who ever you are :)

huges

Nighty Z.Z

As you know, I´m actually a Austrian. I mean, I have an Austrian pass and I can speak german and I´m living in Vienna. I´m going to school here and my friends are here and my family is here... everything I love is here. 

On the other side, I would never be an Austrian. I´m a chinese girl and I also have great memories of my childhood in China, Jinan. I lived in Shanghai and I also have an apartment there. I can speak/write chinese and the most important thing is- I look like a chinese. Of course, my parents are chinese too...

So who am I ? I cann´t really tell... 

It´s also very comfusing for me, because the traditions and culture are so different. Sometimes I don´t really know what´s right and what´s wrong. Of course I have my own rules of doing things, but that´s not what I´m talking about. It´s the society in which I don´t really fit in. Or maybe I don´t really fit in the society??

It´s also hard to think about my future. Do I really want to stay here? Or should I go back? maybe I can also go to a new country like USA or England, in which I can start a new life again... It´s so much trouble and a lot of work...

If I close my eyes and ask myself who I´m and what I want, I cann´t answer because I have no idea. 

jaja... that´s my life... complicated as always :S

Nighty >.<