Loving you without wishing your love

A Poem (07)

By Isynie Sansan

Lot of times, I had talked clearly to my heart,

I loved her,

And will always keep loving her,

Without any doubts to the feeling I figure this out as love

Even though, my heart obviously rebelled,

Screamed so insanely loud, regretting myself that was too late being a coward,

Audacious less  to say honestly to her whom I loved,

Just buried it,

Faraway down in the depth of heart of mine.

I knew, I couldn’t friend you, like always,

Once in a week, or twice in a month,

I was aware of, many of them who could replace me make you smile,

Color your days.

I acknowledged, sometimes my heart was crushed so badly seeing you with other boys,

Yet I realized it fast,

Who am I for you? That’s still uncertain to own you,

Inaugurate you to be queen of my life, mother for my cute sweethearts.

Within my cold nights,

I enjoyed sensation of loving you,

Admired you without you even ever notice it,

Hoped that beautiful smile dangle and adorn your oval face.

Within my hot noon,

I also was hurt for the poignancy you were suffering,

I worried you so crazy when you were weeping in deeply sorrow,

Felt so heavy to breathe, tight to suck in,

When I lived in one day without your modest smile.

I don’t know how and why,

This love was stuck comfortably inside my heart friending,

Though it has been very long time, I didn’t greet you,

Saw your smile or even listen to your up-high news,

All of them made me more bearing in mind,

How much I do need and hope you.

Yet,

I hope you nothing to love me back,

Knew you,

Spent my times with you,

Eavesdropped your cheerful laughter and soft voice,

Felt exceeding what I could give to you, ..

For her, secretly I admired

Hashim ‘Ash’ari, 12.45 KSA